


T'NASH-VEH UZH PANU (My New World)

by LadyBalkania1509



Category: AU - Fandom, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Emotions, F/M, Feelings, Logic, Loneliness, Meditation, Pon Farr, Pon farr sex, Rough Sex, Self-Insert, Spock is my guid, Vulcan Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 01:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19241359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBalkania1509/pseuds/LadyBalkania1509
Summary: The reader is a genetically modified human scientist from 20th-century who, along with her crew members including Khan Noonien Singh, was sentenced for genocide and terrorism.Alongside with Khan, she was frozen in cryogenic sleep for over 350 years.Because of the mistake of a Starfleet science technician, her cryo-capsule was damaged and the Starfleet scientists were forced to wake her up.After awakening, detailed analysis by Federation scientists, Ambassadors and Federation councils (including Ambassador Spock, Vulcan and Klingon high councils) concludes that she is not dangerous. They now realize that the reader was a victim who was treated as a criminal. They are trying to help her to adjust to the 24th century.The reader realizes that she is condemned to the worst punishment she could imagine - she was condemned to solitude, misunderstanding and a lot of other difficulties to adapt to the new world.After five years, according to Starfleet orders, reader joined the group of scientists at the Starship Enterprise





	T'NASH-VEH UZH PANU (My New World)

**Author's Note:**

> English language is not my mother language... I hope you will understand my work :D
> 
> The reader is a genetically modified human female from the 20th century. I found inspiration for my character in Kahan Noonien Singh (ST, J.J Abrams).
> 
> I created Lt.Vektan as a pure blood Vulcan male and very talented mechanical engineer. Lt.Vektan is something between Ensign Vorik (ST: Voyager) and Mr.Spock (ST, J.J Abrams). He is "awkward-Vulcan-romantic" but also very grounded and logical as every other Vulcan. He is very loyal to his race and Vulcan tradition. During his life, he experienced the tempatations of his emotions.  
> Also, his retrospective childhood ( reader's vision) was inspired by Mr.Spock.

Since then, every day seems to look the same.

 _Awakening_.

That's what they called it.

_It's like you've been sleeping for five minutes in front of the television and then you wake up and for the next five minutes you have no idea who you are or where you are ..._

Well... the feeling of my _awakening_ was similar to that description.

I looked through the large window of the Enterprise in Ten Forward, which I could freely call the ship´s café bar and the canteen.

Stars planets...stars, some Nebula ... And again stars ... sometimes we stopped and play the role of Mother Teresa, trying to help other " _aliens_ " in trouble.

Well, I´m not even sure that we are "real" doctors ... or a modified non-medical expert who diagnoses every known disease in 10 seconds via medical trickoder.

 Back then, in 20th century…it was totally different story.

Just today, I've " _fixed_ " Lieutenant Worf twice. The Klingon did not give up on his dangerous training in the holodeck. From outside, he was a powerful warrior, and when I tried to put a few stitches in an old-fashioned way, _he was almost crying like a gir_ l. Well, today there are no more stitches. There is only a small device that immediately heals you. _It's pretty cool..._

Deep in me, I felt terrible discomfort lately ... a terrible feeling of disregard for this ... new world.

 No one could understand me, no one could understand my shame after I realized where I was and why I was not dead ... No one could understand my sense of guilt for being judged for the crimes I did not commit...

 No one can enter my mind to understand what I really want and how fearful is for me to live now and here.

This was all new to me ... the holograms and holodecks were computer-generated projections that looked so real that you could feel the real smell of cake or the scent of the sea if you wanted to, you can touch the holo-person and never know the difference, the robots looked like people, you can meet at daily basis different alien species that had different abilities that the ordinary human being did not have ... _It was all wonderful._

 And all this was a huge achievement for human race. Since the First Contact with another species in 2063.

Zefram Cochrane, a human being, in his improvised model of spacecraft named Phoenix achieved the first warp drive. And then we start too progressed as a civilization ...  Soon we united with the other planets in the United Federation of Planets witch became the cradle of the alliance and the convergence of human, Vulcan, Tellaritsian and Andorian history.

And then we are here ... _In the Space. Back with our ancestors, where we belong ..._ I remember that sentences when the space-scientists of my time used to say at some TV-show.

And most of all, people no longer used the money. Money was no longer a driver of human society. You did not work for a salary, you worked for an improvement of your community. You did not pay for schooling, it was free. You got food from a replicator. I was surprised that people had reached this level of revolution in a relatively short period of +300 years because I was still convinced that technology would take us in a whole other different way.

Today's kids will never know the value of running after ice cream truck. They just stand in front of replicator and say: _ice cream, chocolate_. And they get it. I remember how fast I had to run and how many times I had to beg for an extra money to have an ice cream.

Nostalgia shakes me for a moment.

I try not to look at the stars again.

_Only stars, planets... and then again stars, Nebula... and again the stars..._

_I'm sick of the Stars!_

And yes, the real question is, if I'm sick of the Stars and exploring the universe- _why am I here_?

The Starfleet and their counsel thinks that I will adapt much faster if I am on a ship that explores the Universe. It looks to me like they were joking with me. Like they were trying to send another „ _monkey_ “at the Space.

Yes, I was a monkey-chromanion for them.

_Dangerous-crazy-cave-woman-with-PhD-of-molecular-biomedicine._

But ( _un_ _)_ fortunately Jean-Luc Picard, the captain of the most advanced interstellar exploration Starship Enterprise, was a man who liked challenges and risks. He agreed to Fleet´s request to join me in his crew even though I never attended the education they called the Academy.

 I'm something else. In my time, they called us molecular geneticists who had been studying for five years and then pursued their further education for few extra years to get their PhD ... As I did, for example.

I turned my eyes off the window trying not to stare so much at the illusion of the space expansion caused by speed of the warp drive.

All of them expected me to adapt quickly, and I could not literally adapt to the fact that doctors or other medical workers did not wear common uniforms like lab coat.

I am wearing it right now.

 

Nobody really knew why I was wearing it because they were obviously not used to the fact that some of the laboratory scientist used to were white lab coats back in 20th century. I heard that the only one who was worn some type of blue lab coat was Dr. Beverly Crusher. I have never met her because she was recently accepted the job of the Starfleet chief medical doctor. Now she was replaced by Dr. Katherine Pulaski as the chief physician of this Starship Enterprise.

Yeah… _She was my boss now._

Dr. Pulaski was not a nice woman, she did not even try to act like one. She was a stubborn medical scientist who had a lot of knowledge and self-indulgence. I knew how she hated technology, she thought that traditional old medicine was somehow better than new ones.

And at first she was not comfortable when she had to share the same air, space and laboratory with someone like me. But anyway, Dr. Pulaski was one of the best medical experts of this age. I've read a few of her papers and reports. It really does impressed me. Still, she did not accepted me as her equal. Although everyone knew that I was better. In everything. And everyone. At last…they assured me in that before they closed me in the cryo-capsule.

She will never probably accept me completely. I understand. I don´t blame her.  The human race, however, remained in its core primitive and subjective to the most common fears of unknown and different. Even in the 24th century.

Unconsciously, I touched again my lab coat.  Although it was difficult for me to replicate the identical type of material and the shape of the lab coat I wore before, with the help of Geordi La Forge, I succeeded. And this is probably the only thing that reminded me of what I once was.

_I felt someone was watching me._

_Guinan ..._ I knew she was watching me from the bar.

-You realize that you and I are alone right now? - She smiled softly, stepping out of the bar coming to me.

Before she came to me, she paused.

-Computer, play the music. Song number 6.-Guinan said.

For a moment, the music was heard.

I smiled at her choice.

 _Bryan Adams-Please forgive me_ , one of my favorite songs.

She stood beside me in her purple long dress.

-So…What´s bother you? - She whispered.

I sighed.

-You're trying to take Troi´s job again? - I said a little teasing.

Guinan smiled.

-You do not have to be Betazoid to realize that something is bothering you these days.-she smiled at me.-You're a pretty easy case for me...

I smiled at her.

-Guinan ...  I'm sorry. Maybe most of the crew here think you're just a barbell who is also a free psychologist, but remember I have an eidetic memory and when I read something I see something I do not forget. And if my good memory serves me well, you are El-Aurian, you come from the race of " _listeners_ ". That's all nice what are you doing for us all, but I think you're capable of great wonders but you just do not show it. Your species is very superior. But ... in fact, you still remain a great mystery.

Guinan looked at me half a second and then started laughing.

-Oh, I know what you want me to do! - She smiled.-But the flattery will not help you get that real whiskey under the bar!

Guinan seems to have known pretty well, though we have not known each other for a long time. She was really unique.

We stayed a few moments in silence.

-Well, what is it you are really struggling with?-she whispered.

I try to suppress a sigh. I did not want to look as melodramatic as I actually was.

-All this here ... this is not the life I expected, Guinan. - I said.

-What do you mean?-she whispered.

-You know who I am...- I said.-You know where I come from.F rom what time I come and this is all...

I shuddered and swallowed for a moment, not allowing my emotions to overcome.

-You're free to cry girl, you're not a Vulcan!-she said.-Make it easy for you! Emotions are not weakness but advantage.

I smiled fairly.

-They taught me differently. - I said.-Emotions were not part of the work I was doing. Because, if a scientist like I emotionally understood his present job, he would not be able to work and rationally make decisions. I learned how to control them almost completely. But after all, you are right. I am not a Vulcan. I feel like everything is falling apart.

Guinan looked at me with interest.                                                        

-I do not belong here. - I said, shaking my head.-Here in this century, on this ship, in this sector and this part of the Universe. I ... do not belong here.

-Hm, where do you belong now?

-There ...- I said louder, and then stopped.-Or ... nowhere.

-Why?-she asked.

I sighed.

Ten Forward slowly began to recharge with a crew that was very cheerful.

The first officer, William Riker, laughed loudly for something that Geordi La Forge showed on the tablet. Young Lieutenant Wesley was trying to follow Riker's steps as Riker had played the role of a father. I also saw several other alien species, Dada who was an Android...

-Look at us ...- I said slightly ironically.-Humans traveling across the Space together with other species. You know, when I was a child I often watched cartoons with aliens and futuristic houses and cars. _The Jetsons_ , it was a very popular cartoon. And now, it's time for no one else to talk about. No one more practically has no idea what a jukebox is, what a video recorder is… And even about the cars. What was then science fiction, now is real. And I feel so lonely. No one can understand what is happening within my mind and in fact no one can really identify with me. At least no one who is currently walking and living and not frozen God-knows-where with the rest of the Khan's unit.

By the mention of Khan Noonien Singh, my throat shivered.

-I know who the Khan is. - Guinan told Me.-I know what he did...

 _A criminal, a murderer, a genius, a brilliant mind, a scientist, an agent, a genetically modified organism...._ In my head, I heard the rumors glittering.

 _My long lost family_ ... My voice was in it.

-There were no warning.-I continued. - There was nothing. Genetic engineers who have applied their science to themselves, which is what they started to call us. We were created to bring peace to chaos. We went through so many bad and painful things. We were, _chosen_ , if I could say so. We, who did not have absolutely anyone. No family. No friends. No home. Nothing. Then, after all the experiments, we became a new species, at least they called us so. We were created to bring peace around the world. Peace ... peace has turned into chaos. And then the chaos consumed us. And Khan... Khan thought he was fighting for us. And actually, he fought against us. Against them. And everything we thought it was right… Khan was wrong.

I hold myself with one hand for the window pane. I could not hold the emotional eruption inside myself anymore.

-They were talking about peace, on the other hand, they made nuclear weapons.-I continued with a bit of anger in my voice.-They were talking about the environmental Protection of the planet, and they could not obscure the plastic bags. They spoke of life without wars, and could not prevent civil wars within their own countries. Earth ... Earth cried for peace and harmony. We could give them that. But no....!

I smoked my head for a few seconds.

-They called us the tyrants ... they treated us like that.-I start to talk again.-We did not have a chance to defend ourselves. They said we were a genocidal tyrants who conquered and killed in the name of the Order. So much crime, so much lies ... so much accusation ... And what for? Peace? No…

I saw when Deanna Troi looked at me.

She always looked at me that way. a little worried. but encouraging. Deanna was a great friend.

-We were better, more advanced in everything. - I added a little proudly.-Maybe we were so blind because of our pride that we did not realize how dangerous we were. And how normal are reacting when they feel threatened. And they realized that they could not control more sophisticated and more advanced minds than their own. It was easiest to get rid of us. Accuse us. Without trial. Without fair judging who is and how much is guilty. In their eyes, we were equally guilty.

I take a deep breath.

\- I'd rather have killed us then.-I said in a low tone.-But they did _this_ to us. We are nowhere now. Out of time, out of space. That is, Guinan, I am _nowhere_. And they, my colleagues, my friends and Khan himself are still in the same place and they will stay for decades and decades and decades ... Maybe, someday they will be awake again. Or they will never be awake again. Once they made a mistake when they woke Khan. Khan was the greatest of us, the most intelligent and the strongest. And, of course, when they woke him up, Khan's madness and the desire to subdue those who were subdued us overwhelmed his intelligence and his first mission of peace. Long before, Khan was not like that.

-What was it like?-Guinan asked.

I smiled fairly.

-For truth? He was… Smooth.-I said with a smile.-He was my partner in the lab when we were students. Millions of times he had ruined almost finished expectation, the professors expel him out of classroom because he got to sleep at the class... Back then, he was different.

-Have you and Khan ever...? - She asked.

-No.-I replied immediately.-I loved Khan with all my heart. He was my friend. Like the others were. He liked me too. But we did not like in that way. It's difficult to explain it but ... we loved each other as a family. And for the family, he would give it all.

We heard loud cheering and winding behind us. Some crew members played some kind of social games.

-And sometimes I'm afraid of Khan ... Of what he has become.-I said after a couple of moments.-I heard from Ambassador Spock a couple of years ago, how Khan intended to wake us all up from cryo when they woke him up to help them construct weapons of war. Ambassador Spock told me he saved our lives, hiding us in the ballistic rockets. Maybe he did not have to do that. We would not have known that we were dead or alive anyway. We were still sleeping…frozen like a fucking ice cream!

For a second, I was silent.

\- But ... Khan appreciated the family. - I added quietly. - He loved us. And we loved him. And I know that Khan would give everything to for the family. But unfortunately, I and all of us are too dangerous to walk among modern people. After all that has happened, people are afraid of us. It's as if you're planting rosy roses among the triads. The world has not changed so much, Guinan. This peace we are now seeing is just an illusion. And you know that. Peace never lasts until it is resolved peacefully. There will be always someone who will break the peace deal. For peace it takes much more than negotiation and smile.

-You really think so?-she asked.

-Then, long ago, they promised us that the world would be better when we woke up. Can you imagine that? They promised us a peaceful world in which we would agree with an intelligent race that had achieved peace. And now, when that time has come, we are barbarian society for this modern humans. We are no more than a dead human race who wants a war. Frankly, I did not imagine it would be this way. I was naively believing in better tomorrow. And now I see that better tomorrow was never an option.-I said.

Guinan did not act either horrified or scared.

-Well, I've lived a lot of years, I've been living through the different times.-s he said calmly.-I've been married more than twenty times, I have many children ... this century is  not so awful when you look a little bit better. True, humans are still a relatively primitive race when you look deeper. You have not changed much, some old habits and patterns of behavior have remained the same. But some things have changed for the better. Humans are now more open minded, ready for every kind of negotiation to maintain harmony and peace. And you see that they gave you an opportunity to get involved in this new world.

I could not smile at her enthusiasm.

\- The new world ... - I said. - To what world do I belong, Guinan? The world in which they played Guns n Roses and Nirvana or in this ... where no-one has ever cooked anything with bare hands ever since we have super-replicators?

Guinan smiled.

-Why you don´t try to belong to both worlds?-She simply shrugged.-You can still listen to Guns n Roses while working in the lab...

\- I think Dr. Pulaski is not a fan of old-Earth rock bands. - I replied.

Guinan looked at the door of the Ten Forward.

Her facial expression was a little worrisome. Vulcan entered into Ten Forward... Of course I knew him before. Lieutenant Vektan. I easily can say that somehow I liked him. He was…different. Logical, calm, he never asked too much…. Several times I played chess and Vulcan game Kal-toh which was a Vulcan game of intense strategy. I beat him few times in his own game.

He was a ... okay guy for the Vulcan. He did not talk much, but I like to talk with him. He was very smart. I could sit across him at the same table and just looking at those deep dark eyes and high Vulcan brows. Sometimes, he would have comment on something what I say or he would simply said „logical".

Guinan looked tense when she saw him. But at the next moment, Guinan face relaxed and looked at me.

-Ambassador Spock has always been more sympathetic.-Guinan said appealing to the young Vulcan.

-Because he is half Vulcan half human.-I replied.-Lieutenant Vectan is a 100% Vulcan.

-Great…-she murmured

-Actually, I am a bit deplorable of their kind.-I added.

-I can imagine why.-she replied.-You have the same stubbornness, your face expression looks so unemotional…Sometimes, it just freaks me out.

-Discipline. It seems that every step has been planned in Vulcan´s life. No surprises. There are no arrogant and misguided movements. There is no public kissing, no dancing in the disco clubs until early morning hours ... They hear that they are very loyal to their partners, but this is perhaps normal because they do not have the need to express emotions. Emotions are any weakness and make us irrational and illogical. And often they are tempted to do the wrong procedures. It may have been human race and led to failure ... And their logic, reality and coldness is a bit ... "I said, but Guinan interrupted me.

-Disgusting?-she raised her eyebrows.

-Charming... I said.

-Yeah…-she said indefinitely.-I'm going to see what your charm wants to drink or eat.

\- See you later.-I said.

I continued to look out the window for a while.

" _Don’t deny me, this pain I'm going through ... Please forgive me, if I need you like I do_ ..." I whispered the song that was still playing in the back, and then I heard the glass cup falling on the floor and fast nervous steps march past me in the direction of the exit.

I turned and saw Lieutenant Vektan literally escaped from the Ten Forward. There was a young Ensign Willis on the floor terrified looking at the direction where Lieutenant Vektan just was.

I looked at Guinan, who only gave me the eye-sign to know something was happening.

-Security, find Lieutenant Vectan now! - Riker immediately called Worf through the communicator.

I went to find Vektan first. Something was wrong. Something was so badly wrong. I could hear his steps ending and literally ran into his cabin.

-Open the door! - I ordered.

_Nothing._

-Open the damn door! - I repeated.

_Again nothing._

Then I saw Worf as he ran with two more security members.

Worf opened the door of the Vektan´s cabin with his authorization code. Vectan was sitting inside, scribbled next to the armchair.

-Lieutenant? - Worf approach him carefully.

-Are you okay?-I whispered before Worf.

Lieutenant Vektan then stood upright in his back, put the _Vulcan-I-cannot-feel-nothing-because-i-have-no-emotion_ face.

\- I'm fine. I apologize for your proceedings, Lieutenant. It will not be repeated again.-he said in a very cold tone.

Worf looked at me.

I saw Vektan's forehead splintered and his eyes tried to stay focused on Worf while they were actually looking at me.

-You need to go with us in the Sickbay for Dr. Pulaski exam you. - I said calmly.

- _I SAID, I AM OK_!!!- He shouted angrily.

An alarm ring in me. This was definitively no normal behavior for Vulcans. Lieutenant Vektan was ... _sick_.

-This is no longer a request, Lieutenant!-Worf told him.-You're going to go us now!

-NOO! -Vektan was about to escape again. He pushed away one of the security officers and knock another one at the wall like he was made of feathers.   His straight was now even bigger than before. Worf, a Klingon who was strong as a bull, looked as if he had no chance against him. I thought Vektan would break his neck when he reach him.

Vectan try to approach him and grab him by his arm.

I took advantage of the situation to get near him and fetch the area between the shoulders and the neck.

Second after, Lieutenant Vektan fall to the floor.

-What was that!?-Worf asked slightly shaken, holding his arm.

-Vulcan trick.-I replied.-Ambassador Spock showed me once.

We took Vektan at the Sickbay. He was still unconscious.

Dr. Pulaski literally tied him to Sickbay´s bed. I was against it, but I did not have the right to say anything. _It´s better this way than let him to hurt someone else._

I looked at the unconscious Vulcan and constantly wondering: _What the hell happened to him? Why did he behave like this?_

„ _Dr. Pulaski, report to the bridge_ “, I heard when Captain Picard called her over the communicator.

-Right away, captain.-she said and look at me,-Be here and look after him.-she said to me and left.

-Of course. - I said but she already left.

Although I did not like Dr. Poulaski as a person, I still respected her as a scientist and medical officer. If most of the doctors in the 24th century could be called „the _doctors_ ". _I have to urgently stop insulting doctors..._

I looked at Lieutenant Vektan, who woke up and tried to get up. He immediately noticed he was tied to the bed and could not move. His dark eyes began to scan place around him trying to recognize the place where he was.

-Where am I? - He asked instantly.-And why am I bound?

-You're at the Sickbay, Lieutenant.-I replied. - Don´t you remember...?

He looked very confused. And harmless.

-My memory is…blurry.-he answered at my question.

Looking at him like that, I saw khan in my head. They bound him like that. They bound me like that too before put me to cryo-sleep.

 I pressed the button and released Vektan.

He sat on the bed, gently stretched out without showing any emotion on his face.

\- It is not logical to untie me, Y/N.-he said to me.-You are not authorized to do that. If dr.Pulaski…

-I do not like bonding.-I replied interrupting him.-It reminds me of some of the „ _good old days“_ I really want to forget. And since I knocked you out for the first time, I can do it again.

-You did that?-he said, slightly surprised.

-Yeah.-I replied.-Sorry for the bruise on your neck. Unfortunately, Vulcan nerve pinch cannot be done without any scratches.

-What do you know about that?-he asked crossing his arms on his chest.

-The Vulcan neck pinch, colloquially referred to as a Vulcan nerve pinch, is a martial technique which involved applying pressure near the base of the neck, at the shoulder, and nearly instantly rendered the target unconscious, often so fast that the target was unable to cry out…-I replied.-But not always. But, you didn´t cry, for example.

-Impressive! - He said.-How did you learn that?

-Ambassador Spock thought that I would need this technique at least once in my life.-I replied smiling.-He showed me that technique after he tried it on me. It did not work on me as it worked for you or anyone else.

-You know a lot about Vulcan.-he replied with slight voice.-Intriguing, Y/N. Very intriguing…

-I have a huge interest in your culture. Vulcan culture. - I said.-It fascinates me. Choosing a life without emotion, a life full of respect to logic, science and philosophy has raised your race maybe above all of our races in the Federation. It took a great deal of effort to achieve such a thing. Feeling nothing and yet be so productive and creative in science and culture, architecture and even music. I read the transcripts of the original Vulcan texts that Ambassador Spock gave to me.  Surak, father of Vulcan logic, maintained that the root cause of all the problems on Vulcan lay in the uncontrolled outpouring of the people's emotions. His followers swore to live their lives by a system devised by Surak and based purely on logical principles. Emotions were to be controlled and repressed. And that it actually saved your people. I heard that once, a long time ago, Vulcans were a lot like humans. Extremely violent and emotional people… I'm glad your civilization is so persistent to sustain Surak's doctrine.

He look at me few seconds. He was…impressed.

-I just want to express gratitude and admiration as to how one human being is referred to the Vulcan History of Creation.-he said in a steady tone.

-As you probably know, I'm not a regular human being. - I replied.

-As you know a little about Vulcans, I know a bit about human history too.-he replied.

I watched him briefly.

-I hope that that knowledge that you have does not change your opinion about me as a single person from ..." I said, but Vektan immediately stopped me.

-It does not change anything. - He replied.-History is here to learn from it. You are an ideal example. And I can tell you that, I think Ambassador Spock has taught you all these things about Vulcans because he thought that you with your intelligence and ability to control emotions like the early Vulcans that created the Vulcan civilization, remind him of how our civilization used to look like at the beginning of our creation by Surak´s principles. Of course, early Vulcans still fought with their ... emotional side, similar to you. But you ... You are different from the ordinary human being. You are more like us. Like me…

-Believe it or not, you are the second person today who told me in the face that I am behaving like a Vulcan.-I said with an ironic tone in my voice.-But, as you can see, I'm just a human. I have emotions even though I do not show them because my personal history has proved to me that most of people around us will use and treat your emotions as your weakness. And the next thing you know, to whom you have given all the love of the world, will leave you and let you suffer alone and fight with depression and sorrow. And that's not a pleasant feeling, just to inform you. I'm a genetically modified human, but still a human. And emotions are what makes me a member of the human race. That is, something that reminds me every day that I am still a human rather than a...something else.

-It is logical to have conclusions as you have after all you have been going through.-he replied.

He sat in silence for few seconds.

-I suppose then, you have no desire for partnership or reproduction.-he said.

_What did he just say??_

-What?-I replied confused.

-I wondered, do you have any desire for partnership and reproduction?-he replied as a question.

_I just cannot believe that..._

-You ask me do I want to get marry and have a children?-I smiled slightly but still confused.

-Yes.-he replied.

I hesitated, trying not to show him how much I hate that question.

-I think that no one in this world could be my partner. - I answered.-Boyfriend, husband or whatever.

-Why? - He asked

-Because…I ... I am different.-I replied.-I devoted my life to science, I have given all that I ever have to what I believed. As you dedicated your life to logic and no emotion.

-Clearly…- he replied.

-And besides, Lieutenant ...-I said, taking the battery and inspecting the dilation of the pupils.-I do not believe that anyone in this world could live with me. The world from which I come from and the world in which we are now is completely different.

-Explain. - He said.

-For example, in terms of appreciating different values of life. - I replied.

-I agree with you. - He said.

I watched him briefly.

-You're okay.-I said after examination of pupil dilation.

-And if you had a chance to have a husband and a family, would you accept such a chance?-he asked.

I watched him briefly and then I start to laugh.

-Did I say something funny?-he said, raising both eyebrows.

-I did not know that the Vulcans were so chatty!-I replied.

He looked at me with a completely emotionless face.

-I do not know.-I replied at his question.-Anyway, I assume I would not have anything to lose. But honestly, I doubt it will happen.

-Why?-he said instantly.

_What do you fukcing care!? Jesus Christ, how annoying is this guy...!_

-As I said…- I replied calmly. - I'm not a person for such things. No one wants a woman from whom a half of the Star Fleet shuddered when they woke her up from the cryo-dream by mistake!

-That's not a logical answer.-he replied.

-Logical or not, it is understandable. - I answered. -Would you, for example, willingly marry a woman who is different from all the other women in every possible way? Even by the visual appearance or the way of thinking?

-Yes, if that would be my logical choice. - He said instantly.

I stared at him for such an unexpected response.

-Well, that makes you one of the few. - I said a little surprised.

_Maybe he hit his head when he was acting so strangely?_

He looked at me briefly.

I heard when the young medical assistant entered the Sickbay. He greeted us both and started looking for some things in the drawers.

-Excuse me, Y / N, but I do not see you being anything different from other human female. -Vektan said.

Even the new medical assistant made an ironic grimace to that statement.

-I'm probably as hard as steel, but I'm still soft from the inside -I said smiling.-Like Oreo Biscuit.

Lieutenant Vektan questioned me with the word " _Oreo Biscuit_ ".

-That is a product that was made at the beginning of the 20th century. - I said.-How do I describe you ... It's a dessert, a cookie. That is a double stuffed biscuit. It looked so dark on the outside, which was hard, and inside the white cream that was sweet and soft. When I was a kid, I was crazy for that biscuit!

The raised eyebrows nodded.

_It is interesting how Vulcan can understand quantum physics in three seconds, and the description of Oreo biscuits cannot be understood in three attempts to explain..._

The medical assistant found everything he needed and walked out.

\- Would you, for example, consider the offer for marriage between ... - lieutenant Vektan began to talk about something again after few minutes, but I turned my face and attention away from him  when I heard the steps of Dr. Pulaski returning to the Sickbay.- _Koon-ut so'lik_ , where you were my ...

-Yeah, yeah, yeah...-I wave my hand in front of him to silence him because I knew that if Dr. Pulaski realized I untie him just to talk with him, then we are in a big problem.

-Why is Lieutenant Vectan free, Y / N? - Dr. Pulaski shouted loudly right from the door.

I did not know what to answer.

-Doctor, with due respect, I'm not sick and I see no reason why any of you should be tied me or keep  me here.-a nervous and somewhat angry voice said to us and it comes from Vektan´s mouth.-I know what is going on and therefore, please leave me alone! I will submit an application to release me from duty a couple of days and that is all!

I did not understand what Lieutenant Vektan says, but the doctor obvious does. I was not referred to the Vulcan Pathology of the Disease. Perhaps an ordinary flu was manifested in his race in such an aggressive way...

Vektan tried to run away out from the Sickbay.

- _Pon farr_ will not pass itself, Lieutenant, and you know that very well! - Dr. Pulaski replied with a theatrical tone.

Vektan suddenly stopped and turned at her.

-Do not pronounce this term out loud, Doctor!-he shouted angrily through his teeth so that the slime was spread.

_Why does it behave like this?? What did doctor says wrong? His sudden aggression and oscillation in behavior without any cause begun to frighten me ... and he make me nervous, to be honest._

\- Lieutenant, do you want me to knock you out again?-I paused, standing between them, realizing that this was out of control.

Vektan watched me with strange flame in my eyes, but his face expression was cold as ice. I did not look down, my face was as cold and stiff as his was. He looked at me for a couple more seconds, then lowered his head.

-Excuse me…-he said in deep tone.-I'm not aware of what I'm doing. Please let me out of here before I hurt your need to be alone. That's all!

-It's all because of _it_.-doctor said.-Please, Y / N, leave us.  I want to talk to the patient alone. This is a matter of private nature.

I obey her and walked out. But, thanks to my good hearing, I managed to hear what's going on and through the closed door of the doctor´s office.

- _You are going through Pon Farr, don´t you?-_ doctor whispered.

 _Pon farr?_ I thought for a moment.

That was not very well known to me. I read about it somewhere. My brain started to transcend the transcript pages Ambassador Spock once gave me. And there it was somewhere to say ... _Pon Farr ... Amok time. The time of Vulcan mating, searching and choosing mates and partners ... Every seven years, Vulcan men and women become sexually aroused. Its part of their biological cycle._

All right ... Now I understand why this question caused this reaction. Vulcans never discuss their sexual life. Nor Pon farr, nor mating nor…well, anything that has a personal matter. Well, I also never like to talk about sex. This is really a matter of private nature.

- _That's a very personal question, Doctor!-_ Vectan said angrily.

- _According to your age, you've reached Vulcan adolescence.-_ doctor has not stopped.- _And I assume, this is your first Pon farr, right?_

- _I told you,_ _it is not your concern! -_ He said.

I stumbled on the spot hoping that Lieutenant Vektan would not hurt Dr.Pulaski in his anger. And the Dr. Pulaski had the talent to passing someone at the edge until the right answer came.

-This is a question concerning me as a doctor because you are one of my patients, Lieutenant! - She replied.-And I am personally familiar with several attempts to alleviate the symptoms...

-I do not want medical help, Doctor!-he snapped at her.

-But don´t you see, in this phase of _Pon farr_ , we have a little of time to take you to Vulcan so you can take your mate and ...-she said.

-Stop scanning me!!-He exclaimed.-I WILL DEAL WITH THIS MYSELF!!

The medical trickoder flew to the corridor.

And then, Vektan run out from the sick bay.

-You will die if you don´t proceeded everything that the ritual requires! - Doctor ran to the corridor and screamed after him.

When I heard him coming, I hid in the side corridor hoping she would not stop here. Vektan ran past the hallway where I hid myself.

I went back to the sick bay.

The doctor looked very worried.

-Do not look at me like that, Y / N.-she said with a shrug.-I know you've heard it all.

-How much do you think he has time to find a partner? - I asked.

-I have no idea.-she replied.-But judging by his symptoms, he will soon enter the stage of madness and pure instinct. They call it _Plak tow_ or the blood fever. This can happen half an hour, half a day or a day. It is difficult to say when he did not report the first symptoms when he felt that something is wrong. And he refuses to say how long it last. Dr. Sela, our doctor who is Vulcan, is not currently on the Enterprise and....

-Do you think Vektan ran for her that she was there?-I asked.-If I understood correctly what I was reading, a Vulcan male need a Vulcan female for mating. That's the bit of _Pon farr_?

The doctor looked at me.

-As far as I understand it, _Pon farr_ is not just sex.-she replied.-There's something else involved in it, but Vulcans don´t speak of it. I know that the blood fever happens to adult Vulcans every seven years. They refuse to talk about it, they consider it personal. Once I heard that in that ritual, the Vulcans make a telepathic bond with their partner, which connects them permanently. It's actually some sort of marriage ceremony.

-Very romantic. - I rolled my eyes.

\- But…- she said. - The Vulcans do not necessarily choose female Vulcans for their mates.

-I know.-I said.-The mother of Ambassador Spock, as well as his stepmother, are human females.

-Yes, that's right.-she replied.-It looks like we still have a hope after all!

I did not share her optimism.

We're silent for a while.

At that time, I took the tablet from her desk and wanted to read a little more about Vulcan anatomy.

_Vulcans were generally similar to Humans in appearance, distinguished mainly by their pointed-ears and up-swept eyebrows. Their skin color was most commonly pale with a bronze or greenish tint, though some had brown skin. Vulcan physiognomy could resemble Humans of European, Asian, or African descent._

_Most Vulcans had straight, glossy black hair, though brown and/or curly hair was also possible. Vulcans had body hair similar to Humans, and some males could be very hirsute. Vulcan males were capable of growing facial hair but most chose to shave it._

_Vulcan teeth included anterior tricuspids. They might be protected from decay for decades by sealing them with a trifluorinate compound._

_They also had no appendix._

_Vulcan blood was copper-based and was copper- or rust-colored when deoxygenated in the veins and green when oxygenated in the arteries. Bruises and dermal abrasions took on a greenish color._

_Vulcan body chemistry used little, if any, sodium chloride compared to that of Humans._

_Vulcans possessed a highly efficient respiratory system to extract the oxygen they needed from Vulcan's thin atmosphere. They were most comfortable in high temperatures, which was natural given the hot, arid climate of their home world. A Vulcan of advanced age may become more sensitive to lower temperatures._

_In contrast to their external similarities, Vulcan internal anatomy differed radically from that of Humans. For instance, their heart was where a Human's liver would normally be,) and beat several hundred times per minute._

_The Vulcan digestive tract was highly adaptable. Although alien foods, notably Human food, would occasionally disagree with a Vulcan, given time, their body could adapt to the alien food._

_The Vulcan brain was described as "a puzzle, wrapped inside an enigma, housed inside a cranium."_ _A Vulcan's brain was in direct control of most of the bodily functions, acting as a control unit for many organs. Despite this, a Vulcan body from which the brain had been removed was capable of functioning and even walking around with a portable life support system. Unlike most humanoid species, traumatic memories were not only psychologically disturbing to Vulcans, but had physical consequences as well. The Vulcan brain, in reordering neural pathways, could literally lobotomize itself…_

I paused for a moment and imagined. This is really weird ... weird ... fascinating!

-Interesting reading, Doctor. - I said out loud, but I thought completely opposite. In a way, I was a bit jealous at Vulcans. _Superior race_ , yeah right. Everything what was written here, most things and my body can handle too. I can live without food and water and sleep. Even though I do not have one more eye lid, I can still bear a high temperature. I'm physically stronger than people, I cannot count how many times I beat Worf at direct combat. But... I still did not know how long my life was. Vulcan lifetime was around 200 years. I was hoping it will not that long for me.

-And your body structure is very intriguing, Y / N. - she said after a few seconds.

-Molecular genetics did what it could in the 20th century, Doctor.-I said a little cold.-The rest was made by my own genetics. Human. Nothing more.

-Not exactly…-she said to me.-When I first saw you, I thought you were Vulcan.

-Why?-I asked curiously. _Third person today…_

-Because of your too much upright posture, because of the tone of voice that makes you much colder person than you are ... and you have had your lowered hair, so I did not see your ears.-she shrugged slightly.-And your eyebrows are a little ... a little ...

-I don´ know if I understand it as a compliment or not.-I replied trying to sound kindly.- Thin and somewhat raised eyebrows were modern at the time when I was ... _young_.

Dr. Pulaski squatted on my shoulder and smiled.

-You are a sweet person… unlike Vectan ... and most of the other cold Vulcans.-she replied gently.-People just have to get to know you better before judge you.

-You should have told that to people 350 years ago.-I replied.

She patted me one more shoulder.

-Let´s return to the prime subject. What you can do about Lieutenant Vektan´s status?-I said.

Dr. Pulaski shrugged again.

-What I can do, is to tell the Captain about everything and try to find a common solution. But then again, this is private matter. I wouldn't want Lt.Vektan to be ashamed of his "status". I don't know, I have to think what I'm going to do.-she said to me.-There must be some Vulcan base nearby or some of their ships or colonies…or something. I wish this "problem" would be solved quietly and without much drama.

-Is there really none of Vulcan females on this Ship?-I asked.

-There are two now, but they are married.-she said.

-So what?-I replied.

The doctor looked at me.

\- To humans, mating with other human´s mate is not so…how would I put it… _important_. But the Vulcans strictly hold the rules. They only have one partner and male Vulcans never even look at another woman. Even they don´t dance with them, it is not allowed and defies Vulcan tradition.

-So, you are saying…-I replied.

-The Vulcan male can have only one woman- _one mate_ -with whom they will proceed this ritual. Therefore, only females that are not married or engaged are those who are compatible as good choice. It is logical to them. And don’t look at me like that…That is how their personal life works!

I sighed.

-You know, I'm a little sorry about the lieutenant. - I said.

-Oh, you'll be even sorrier when _Pon farr_ reaches its final manifestation. I don´t know how many days will pass until then. His neurochemical and hormonal imbalance and the exclusion of logic and reason, will drive him into madness. He is very dangerous for the rest of us now and for himself. He doesn´t know what he is doing. I suppose he forgets things he did. His body cannot bare so much of change. And…I'm afraid…everything could result in death…

\- Well ... - I said slightly in shock. - I knew nature was a cruel creator, but that cruel...

The doctor nodded.

-And that idea about taking another partner instead of Vulcan ..." I said.

-What about that?-she asked.

-It's not logical.-I said.-Maybe it is now...But in normal circumstances, that's stupid.

The doctor looked at me under the eye, appealing to my " _you-sound-like-Vulcan_ " side.

-I mean, I looked at the Vulcan genom structure. - I said.-It is impossible for a Vulcan and for example a human female to have a child without medical assistance.

-That's right. - She replied.-With medical help, almost every humanoid culture can have a children as a result of mating between the similar humanoid species with little medical help. Today… everything is possible.

-Beside medical help ...- I continued.-Our genome is different, our blood chemistry is different. It would be like a woman is poisoned with toxin if she concave a baby with a male Vulcan. To me, this is something similar to human transfusion and differences in blood type. If you receive the wrong blood group, you have a huge chance to die. A child conceived between human and Vulcan would inherit most of the genome from its father, and that could be fatal for both child for mother.

 _-_ Didn´t you say that you worked with Ambassador Spock? - She said.-As far as I'm concerned, he's a hybrid. His father, Ambassador Sarek was a Vulcan, and his mother Amanda was a human.

-He is a special case, believe me…- I said.-But honestly, doctor, it is naturally impossible…

-And your conclusion is ...-the doctor said expecting a concrete answer.

-My conclusion is that it is illogical to take the wife/husband of another species apart from the Vulcan as his/hers partner because they put at risk at both of them and their unborn child. Or worse, condemn yourself to life without the possibility of normal reproduction. You've said a little before that male Vulcan has no other woman, „mistress“ or surrogate mother while he is still married to his first wife.-I try to explain.

-Super. Now you have killed all my will to live.-she said ironically.-Then we're back at the beginning. But anyway. I'll try to talk to the Captain. There may be some way to get to Vulcan as soon as possible. Maybe Geordi can do some miracle with a warp drive.

-I'm sorry.-I replied. - I just tried to be more realistic.

-I know…-she replied.

I sat on a rotating chair and looked at the doctor.

She walked nervously around the table in the sick bay.

-So we have to react quickly.-she said.-I must call Lt.Taurik. He is the only one who can tell us something more. I'm afraid Lt.Vectan's meditation will not help at all.

Then Dr. Paulus called for Lieutenant Taurik, a male Vulcan member of the crew. I was hoping not to hear how he passed his _Pon farr_ ... it would be too much for me…

With due respect to Surak´s tradition, I still believe in applied science. No meditation or happy thoughts can save a man from dying.-I said.

Then I heard the steps coming into the Sickbay.

-You have called for me?-Lieutenant Taurik's voice said.-How can I assist you in here, doctor?

He looked stable, cold, with no facial mimics. He stood upright almost as I did.

He looked at me, and then unintentionally glanced away.

-I'm sorry for interrupting your work…-she said.-Y/N and I need your personal opinion about one thing. And please, do not refuse us because of the Vulcan logic or code.

-Tell me what it is.-he said coldly.

-One of our lieutenants is just passing the _Pon farr_ and ...-the doctor began.

-This is a matter of private nature!-Taurik said instantly.-It does not concern you, neither me nor anyone else except ... that person you are talking about!

Their stubbornness and refusal of public speaking of _Pon farr_ and sex slowly I went on my nerves.

\- My friend, if you don´t say the few key information we need, your friend Vektan will die. Things are like this, he is close to blood fever and we do not have any available female Vulcan here, we cannot reach the planet Vulcan faster than 15 day! As you can see, we're are in deep shit now!!-I said.

Lieutenant Taurik looked at me.

-For full respect, _Pon Farr_ is a private matter that every Vulcan must solve with itself. And any interference of any of us would be just counterproductive. In my opinion, we should all move away from Lieutenant Vektan and let him solve his problem by himself. And judging by how much I have been told, he has already…trapped… between so many free women to pick a substitute partner for the ritual.

-Did you even listen to what I was talking about two minutes ago?- I said a little hideously.-There are no VULCAN partners available on board!

\- I did not even say _VULCAN_ partner. – He replied.

\- As much as I understand _Pon Farr_ , it's actually rough sex that can take for hours!-I said a little bit sarcastic because I realised how much he hates the word " _sex_ ".- The strength of the average male Vulcan is about three times bigger than ordinary human male. And during the _Pon Farr_ , the Vulcan male cannot control either his primitive instinct for mating or his strength. Do you really think that a human female could endure such a force without her partner being tossed like a puffy doll?

Lieutenant Taurik leaned slightly toward me.

-There is always a way.-he replied.

_Move. Away. From. Me. Please!_

_I really did not like Taurik._

-And what if she survive mating process?-I asked. - And according to your tradition, they are married then. They will never be able to have a child without medical assistance. Is that not against your Vulcan tradition?

He looked at me a little supprised.

-You think super is genetically modified like corn in the 20th century?-I asked louder. - Well, it is not! And I do not want any child to be genetically modified, no matter how harmless or common that is today.

-Y/N…That medical procedure is done differently today ... Please calm down.-dr.Pulaski try to calm me down.

He just shook his head as if he no longer wanted to have a talk with me. _Like ever again…_

 _Idiot_. I'm pissed off.

-Okay, you do not help either of you.-dr.Pulaski finally said.

-What about a so-called wife from childhood?-I remember the text I read.-The Vulcans arrange their marriage when their children, right?

A moment of silence.

-Then who will go to ask him that?-I added.-Maybe that woman is somewhere nearby? Maybe she is not at Vulcan at all! 

-Sorry to interrupt you, but you behave like this ritual is worthless, and you still think that Vulcan mating process it's like puzzles that have to find a pace of missing puzzle and fit in shape and that's all.- Taurik said warning us.-This is a much deeper ritual that involves the most primitive and deepest emotions of each Vulcan. It's not that easy. You two cannot find him a partner searching for nearby Star ships. It's Vectan's problem. Only he can choose the right partner for himself. And besides, when we enter the _Pon farr_ we are not ... that you people know us to be. We behave irrationally, emotionally and we are very emotional and aggressive. We do not sleep, we do not eat ... We are experience… an unbearable pain and agony.  So please, let it go. Vektan has experienced enough shame so far because of his condition. Let him deal with this by himself.

- _Pon farr_ can be deadly. - Dr. Poulaski said.-How long should it take to...

\- _Pon farr_ must be done within eight days or else he may die.-Taurik replied.-That's all I can tell you. Good bye.

Taurik then turned and leave us.

\- What kind of an idiot ... –I comment.

-He has also a twin brother, so I heard. - Doctor said.-Vorik that is his name. He servs on Voyager.

I could not imagine this scenario.

-How many days have passed since the beginning of the Vektan´s _Pon farr_?-I asked again.

The doctor shrugged.

-I do not know, I told you already.-she replied.-Three, four ... He did not report the symptoms before that incident at Ten Forward.

I sighed.

The afternoon has passed calmly.

Of Lieutenant Vektan, no trace nor a voice. Dr. Pulaski asked the medical staff not to interfere, assuming he was in deep meditation.

I thought he was committed suicide by now _. Were the Vulcans capable to do such a thing?_

I shook my head at that stupid thought.

„ _And besides, when we enter the Pon farr we are not ... that you people know us to be. We behave irrationally, emotionally and we are very emotional and aggressive. We do not sleep, we do not eat ... We are experience… an unbearable pain and agony. “,_ I remembered Taurik's words.

Before I raise any alarm, I decided to go to the Vektan´s cabin to check is he alive. After all, he could not hurt me as he could hurt doctor Pulaski.

I rang at his door.

 _Nothing_.

I rang again.

 _-Get out of here_! - The angry voice shouted from the inside.

 _It´s alive!!_ I made a dr.Frankenstein happy-voice inside my head.

\- Lieutenant Vectan, It´s me... Y / N. - I said. - I just wanted to see if you are alive and are you better...

_Of course it is not better ... But I did not know what else to ask._

- _Come in_. - he said with a shivering voice.

I looked surprised at the door when they opened. I step inside and it was a complete darkness. Only a few light came from a candles.

-Hey ...-I said softly.-How do you feel?

He was sitting in a meditation position.

-What do you think I feel? - He asked shaking his head.-I am a Vulcan… We don´t…

-Oh, I’m sorry „ _little miss ice queen, I did not recognize you!"_ -I said in a mocking voice when I could no longer hold back.-You will never get solve your problem by yourself... You know that! Let us help you!

Vektan get up from the meditation position and looked at me.

He watched me intensely angry for a few seconds, then slowly lowered my head.

-Excuse me, Y / N. - he said with a shrill tone shaking his head.-I have not been myself these days…I do not behave according with the Vulcan tradition and codex. Please, consider that that I am…

-I know.-I replied.-I understand. And your shame, and your pain. I understand them. And ... I too don´t like to talk about sex. That is a privative thing, though.

He looked at me briefly.

-I know who you are and where you come from. - He said.-I've heard a lot about you.

-And you know I'm not here to mock you.-I said.-Although I'm not a Vulcan, I have not much idea of your tradition but I know what the biochemistry and physiology of hormones demand.

-In due respect, your sciences is not much of use here.-he told me.

-Same as you meditation. - I replied. - Your meditation seems to have helped only the candles to burn to the end ...

-I am burning even worst!-he said louder instantly.-I'm burning in a way you cannot even imagine!

I took a step away from him just for a case.

Then he managed to get back his mind. A look at me with a shame in his eyes.

-Look, you are my friend. I don´t want to lose you. Dr. Pulaski is not familiar with my idea, but I'm trying to help you with something.-I said.

-What is that?-he said.

I show him a medical hypo spray from my pocket.

-Here. I made a mix of a few drugs that should take your pain away for a moment to get you some sleep. Long story short, this mix would knock the horse out. I've made a mix of drugs like I'm doing them for myself. By reading the medical records of Vulcan biology, you are not so physiologically too much different from me now. We have about the same tolerance for drugs. You will sleep for hours. And you will not look as tired and desperate as you look now.

-Do what you think is best.-he said with a gentle tone.

-Okay.-I said.-And if it doesn’t work, at least we've tried.

He nodded his head slightly.

As soon as I came closer to his neck where I wanted to inject the drug mix, Vektan caught me with both of his hands.

He hold my face tightly, but still gently.

I shivered at the heat that came out of his hand.

-I will not hurt you, I promise you!-I replied immediately.-If you don´t want that, you do not have to do...

\- I'm in agony! Do what you have to do!-he said with tearful eyes.-Help me to get out of this hell!

My face was burning because of the heat coming from his palms.  I feel like his palms are melting my skin from my face.

His eyes were burning. He looked like he was going to rip my head off and at the same time it looks like he was going to kiss me.

-Do not be afraid, I'll get you out through this. - I shouted in a silent tone as I was dying in fear.

The hot breath from his mouth calmed me in a moment as if someone had injected me a same sedative into my blood.

And in that moment, as he held my face in his hands, _I saw everything_. Thousands and thousands of pictures that tremendously swirled in my head.

I saw Lieutenant Vektan again in the sick bay.

" _Have you considered the marriage between you as a human being and me like a Vulcan? I use the opportunity to express my desire for you to be my mate. “_ I heard his question in the sick bay now, but now entirely without interrupting. “

„ _Yes, yes, yes_ …“ I saw myself waving with my hand trying to silence him.

I saw myself when I was a kid. How do I run the field behind my father´s cottage in the mountains? The smell of flowers, the smell of roses, the roasted currant, the scent of Oreo Biscuits and fresh milk ... And then, the scene changed. I saw a male Vulcan's boy beaten because he showed an emotion in public. I saw him exhausted by mathematical tasks while he was in some kind of technological thread. Again, I saw myself sad when my father said that his mother died of leukemia when I was four years old. I saw a few archaeologist who were friends of my fathers who told me my dad died when he dropped into a cave. Then I saw adult Vektan standing in front of adult Vulcans who ask him different questions. I saw myself standing next to Khan and several others before the Supreme Court. " _The punishment is eternal cryo-sleep“...._

I heard a scream. I saw death. I felt the pain.

I saw the Vulcan baby's birth.

_I've seen everything._

_What was it? What is now? What will be?_

I saw Vektan ... completely healthy in the formal Vulcan uniform he wore on special occasions. He gave his hand and if took it.

 I saw the war. I saw peace.

I heard the applause, the applause turned into the falling glass around me, which cut my hands, my neck, my body… It hurts so much!!  Then I felt his arms around me ... Vectan's hands protecting me from that falling glass. " _No one will hurt you anymore_ , _you will never be alone again_ " my voice and Vektan’s voice were whispering at the same time in my head.

I saw myself on the floor at his cabin kneeling one against the other, while my spirit floated on the ceiling.

I saw the sunset on Earth. And then I saw the Moon. _Moon_ ... pale, in the night, in the dark ... cold and without emotion. The Moon who can retell a millions beautiful and romantic stories…A cold Moon is the only one who knew how much lovers really love each other when no one sees them in the dark.... „ _Gol'nev me, t'nash-veh ashaya. Resce me s' nash bogozh. Nam-tor t'nash-veh. Nam-tor aishan t'nash-veh ... Nnam-tor t'nash-veh ko-telsu, t'nash-veh goh veh“_... Only _his_ voice, warm as the Sun and distant as the Moon…Only his voice sounded right in my head.

At the next moment, I jumped to my feet.

Vektan was literally knocked down on the floor. My fear overwhelmed me and my heart beat so fast feeling like a will had a heart attack. I held empty hypo spray in my hands.

Before I call for security or Dr. Poulaski, I have touched his to see if he is alive.

 _Pulse_ ... normal pulse for the Vulcan. _He's alive! He sleeps_!!

-GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!! - I cried in relief, leaning on the door. –THANK YOU!!!!

I left his cabin and went to the Ten forward.

My face was pale and I was in fear for his life and forgot what happened when he touched me. As soon as I entered the door of Ten Forward, Guinan immediately looked at me, even though there were at least 20 people here.

I sat at the bar.

-What do you have of the normal alcohol?-I whispered.

Guinan did not say anything, just pulling out a bottle of something green.

-What is it? - I asked.-What are you looking at me!?

 Guinan shrugged.

-Do I have anything on my face, Guinan? - I asked.

-Beside you beautiful glittering smile, nothing.-she said ironically, appealing to my frowned face.

I sighed and drank two glasses of that strong drink.

My God it was strong!

-Take it easy! - She says to Me.-This is illegal here!

-I've just saved a man's life!-I said.-I'm sorry for drink the real alcohol and not that useless synthesis!

Guinan raised both eyebrows.

-Is that not job of Dr. Pulaski? Saving people´s life?-she asked.

-If you ask her, she would still look for a solution.-I said.-I made a mix of drugs and saved Vektan’s life.

-Oh, I see… It´s just Vektan, not _Lieutenant_ Vektan?-she replied

-Oh, I'm sorry.-I replied nervous.-Why are you questioning me, Guinan?

-Well it seems to me that someone has a low alcohol tolerance ... - she commented. - You're starting to get drunk…

-I'm not stupid! - I replied.-I had a very, very hard evening ... with a hundred pictures and views and...

-What?-She shouted instantly.

-Stress, Guinan! You'll probably have that in the 24th!-I said, getting another glass of that green stuff.-I just going through some bad things… That is all.

I would swear I heard someone call my name. I turned around, but no one was there. Nobody even looked in my direction.

-What kind of things?-she asked.-Y / N what kind of things?

\- Forget it... - I replied.-I will go now.  And I'll take this with me ... Bye!

I got up from the bar and left.

I enter to my cabin. Actually, I hid myself in my cabin.

-Computer, play the music.-I said, sitting on my console. I dropped a bottle of this strong alcoholic green drink. I put my legs on the desk as if I were in some Western movie.

-Choose what you want.-the computer responded.

I thought for a while.

\- Song number 4: Whitney Houston - I Have Nothing.-I said.

And then there was light music that seemed to be playing from all parts of the room.

**_Share my life_ **

**_Take me for what I am_ **

**_'Cause I'll never change_ **

**_All my colors for you_ **

**_Take my love_ **

**_I'll never ask for too much_ **

**_Just all that you are_ **

**_And everything that you do_ **

-Computer, play it louder! - I ordered.

It seems like the room was shaking from the voice Whitney Houston.

I felt like I was getting drunk, but I did not care.

_Y/N, Y/N why did you leave me? Come back, come back to me…_

But ... as long as the music was loud, it was not louder whispers of the voices in my head. And the heat that has become unbearable.

-Computer, what is the temperature in the room?-I asked.

-25°C.-computer answered.

-Like I am in Hawaii!!- I said.-Computer, reduce the temperature by 10°c!"

**_I don't want to have to go_ **

**_Where you don't follow_ **

**_I will hold it back again_ **

**_This passion inside_ **

**_I can't run from myself_ **

**_There's nowhere to hide_ **

**_Your love I'll remember forever_ **

„ _Speak to me, help me ... come back, ashaya ..."_ , the words in my head did not stop.

-COMPUTER INCREASE THE SOUND OF MUSIC FOR 25%!!! - I ordered angrily.

My thoughts were too sophisticated and intellectually advanced so that alcohol or loud music could be tampered with.

Finally…I recognized the voice in my head.

It was Vektan´s voice.

_Why do I hear his voice? Why??? Is Pon farr infectious?_

-Computer, shout the music off and give me all the information about the Amok time we have!-I said.

Music stopped.

I star to read at the computer screen in front of me.

There was not much data, but nowhere was it said it was contagious.

\- _I have nothing, nothing, and nothing..._ \- I've been singing the same song over and over again after the computer stopped playing it.

I had to calm down. Tomorrow is a new day, new challenges.

I was lying in bed, tapping the lights. I feel a little bit dizzy, but the old trick of putting one foot on the floor and the other on my bed will soon „cure“my dizziness.

I could not sleep.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw in the head the same vision I saw when the Vektan touches. The pictures, memories, the present, and the future goes around and around again and again...

Several times I rubbed my face with my hands.

The sweat slams me, my breathing was too hot.

I was not sick till ... till I was a normal human being. Since I had a chickenpox, it probably does not exist anymore.

I had to sleep. But I could not. I needed drugs to fall asleep ... and they were only available in the sick bay.

I went to the sick bay hoping that there is no one around. My goal was to get sedative. Sedatives were a great thing in the 20th century. When you could not sleep, you drank a sedative of 10mg and sleep. But when I got in the sick bay, Dr. Pulaski sat at her desk and read something.

_Shit._

She looked at me immediately and she was a little surprised to see me here so late.

-I thought there was no one in here.-I replied in my defense.

-As you can see, I'm here.-Doctor told Me.-What do you need?

-Umm…I have a problem with sleeping.-I said a little grumbling.

-Oh…- she said surprised.-I thought you could stand for a few days without sleep.

I did not have time for her teaching lessons.

-Please give me a damn sedative and I will go! - I said, angrily.

Doctor Pulaski took my medical trickoder straight away and started to scanning me.

-Put that fucking device out of me! - I said louder.-I'm not sick!

But the doctor completely ignored me and continued to scan me.

I felt that my heart was beating as a crazy and unidentified feeling of aggression raising in me. I wanted to hurt her. I did not know why. She just did hers job. I would do the same thing that she or anyone else was at my place now.

-I'm reading the amount of real alcohol that's otherwise forbidden here.-s he said to me under the eye, and then surprised added.-And chemical hormone imbalance.

-This is normal for me! - I said.-I'm a fucking genetic experiment! There is nothing normal in my body!!

-I would not agree with it, I saw your medical report. - He said instantly.

-Cool.-I turned ironically.-Now, sedative, please, please!"

-No, I will not give you any sedative because I do not know what is wrong with you.-she said instantly.-Get down there.

\- No, Doctor please. Forgive me!-I said calmly.-I did not want to shout at you! I'm tired and I really don´t have energy to proceed any medical tests. I just want to sleep!

-Y / N, you're not okay! –She said to me putting her hand at my shoulders.-You're ill and I cannot let you just go with the sedative! It may have worked in your time, but at this time it does not!

I listened to her and sat on the bed.

Dr.Pulaski started scanning again.

-This is strange.-she said confused.

-What is it now?-I asked nervously.

-Look.-she said to me.-Look at the readings.

The readings were… wild. Hormones were so high even for my normal body readings.  

-Endorphin, serotonin ... Look!-she show me.

\- Doc…Ok…I'm sick, hot, I have temperature, and chest pain ... - I said. - I'm not interested in your lecture from the physiology of the hormone!

Dr. Pulaski looked at me for a moment.

-Pulaski calls Captain Picard, - the doctor said to his communicator.

- _Picard here_.-the captain said instantly.

-I think you should have to see something to see something at the sick bay.-she told him.

_Super, now she involved the Captain._

At the next moment, the doctor raised a quarantine wall around me.

I start to panic.

-Get me out!-I shouted.-Doctor, please! Let me out!

The doctor ignored me.

A few seconds later, the doctor invited several of his young medical assistants who recently came from the Academy.

The captain arrived after two young male assistants.

-What's going on doctor and why did you call at this late hour?-he said.

-Captain, I think we have a problem. - The doctor said looking at me.

-What is the problem and why is Y / N in quarantine?-Captain looked at me.

-It seems to me that Y / N has been infected with some sort of virus.-she replied.-The virus disrupted her chemical and biological parameters. Her biomedical readings are literally changing from minute to minute. She has temperature, sweeting, she is acting restless, her pressure and heart beats are twice as big as they normally are. I'm afraid it's contagious, so I immediately put her in quarantine.

-Y/N, with whom you were in close contact?-the captain asked me instantly.

-With no one!-I answered immediately.-Except with Dr. Pulaski!

-I do not have any symptoms, Captain. - She replied.-I've been checking myself right now, mine results are fine.

-Think Y/N. Think with whom you have been in contact?-he repeated again.-It's important for us to know, maybe someone else has picked up the same virus as you do!

-Guinan…-I answered.-That is all…-I said instantly trying to gather my mind.-I do not know what's happening to me! I just want to get out of here, I have no air here! I'm hot, I feel like my skin is melting! If you cannot help me, just let me out!

-Anxiety seems to be one of the symptoms. - I heard when the doctor whispered to the Captain.

-Doctor, my hearing and vision are still superior to yours and I see and hear very well!-I answered loudly approaching the quarantine wall.-And you would have been aggressive and anxious too if you are locked like an animal in a cage!!

-Doctor, please do not get this out of control.-Captain said.-If you can isolate the cause, please start diagnosis and treatment immediately.

As the captain spoke, my ears drooped. I only heard mumbling at first, and then nothing. Just silence.

And my vision became foggy and it looks like the picture of the room in my head bent to the right ... My eye blinking slowed down, as in a slow-motion movie projection.

I stumbled into the invisible glass that kept me in quarantine. I've seen that glass, others probably are not. Glass of quarantine was impenetrable, no one could even enter or go out.

And then I saw HIM. Between all the others HE enter gracefully in the Sickbay...

-Vektan?- I whispered, seeing him in a formal Vulcan uniform passing literally through the wall and approaching me.-Get me out of here, take me with you, please!"

„ _You're not alone anymore ... It will never be alone ... I'll always be here, ashaya ... Always here ...“_ He speak to me, his voice sounded like an echo. He gently touched my face.

And then… _He disappeared._

I started to spin around.

_Help me, help me, and help me!!!!_

_Where did he go?? Where did he go????_

I felt as I hit my back in the table.

On the floor I saw my lab coat turned apart. I was sitting on the floor in a short t-shirt that was wrapped around the neck as if I tried to rip it off me.

-No, no! Come back!!-I shouted, rising and jerking on the glass of quarantine.-PLEASE!!! I NEED YOU!!!!

-Doctor, what's going on?-The captain looked at me worriedly through the glass.

\- She hallucinates!  She is erratic!-one of the young assistants voted on the screen.

-This is worse than we thought! - Dr. Pulaski says.-Give her a kayolane!"

I squeezed myself into the corner as if someone was physically attacking me. As if this part of the sick bay became a boxing ring.

I did not realize why all of them were suddenly attack me, why they all want to hurt me and why they force me to cage me like I'm an animal to be afraid of.

I did not even realize why and where I had such a need ... for what I thought I would never have. Huge desire for ... _sex_. For his touch. For his smell. For his breath. For his hands. For his body.

I only had held him once in my arms…and my arms will never forget that. Only once was enough to still smell his scent and feel his breath on my face. I should have him in my hands ... here. NOW. IMMEDIATELY.

My hands were shaking in agony.

I started to breathe deeply. Oxygen in my lungs felt like a cold water on the wound.

And then suddenly, coldness.  I pressed my back to the floor. And just lie down. Anxiety. Fear. Solitude. Silence in the head.

I was afraid. This has never happened to me.

This was nothing that I have ever seen in of all my knowledge of various human/aliens illnesses I have acquired throughout these years.

I could not calm down. At the flashes I was showing the pictures, for a moment I was fully aware of everything around me.

I lost my mind.

At another point, my mind was completely pure and sensible.

So again I did not know where I was and who I was.

Swirling in the flashes….Lost. Hopeless…Alone.

I had a sense of feeling like hours and hours has passed ... And in reality, I was captive here for what…20min maybe?

Things went awry.

I felt as though I had a hundred insects with my skin.

-Doctor, is it possible that this is a consequence of the cryo-sleep? - Captain asked.

"After a few years out of the cryo? - Said dr.Pulaski.-I do not believe so, Captain.

I saw when the young assistant entered inside in the quarantine dressed like an astronaut.

I was waiting for him. As a predator. I heard his steps approach. When he was close enough, I pushed him down so he flew a few meters away and then I ran out of quarantine.

-Pulaski to security!! Y / N escaped from the sick bay!! -Dr.Pulaski shouted over hers communicator.

I did not manage to run 100 meters when Worf was crossing me.

_Worf._

_Klingon._

_Powerful._

_Flight._

_Fight._

_Fight or flight._

_Fight!_

My mind could not think rationally and instantly attacked him because he stood in my way. I did not reach Worf with my hands, when I feel baking and flashing in my back. _Of course, Worf was just a bait for me ..._ Someone hit me from the back with a phaser and stunned me.

 _Smart_ ... yet they have learned something so far.

I felt it hard when my body hit the floor in the ship's corridor.

 _Darkness_.

An identical drop in the dream as it was when they put me in the cryo-sleep.

And then again ... _Awakening_.

I opened my eyes. In front of me ... it was not dark. It was not a capsule.

I can see…The Sunset of the Sun.

Glitter and golden sand... The scent of the desert. The scent of clean but hot air filled my nostrils.

_Where am I?_ I asked myself by looking from the balcony of some unknown place. Everything around me was in brown and yellow shades. It looks like I'm in Namibia's desert. My father brought me with him once. He was an archeologist and he had excavations in the desert. But ... this is not Namib Desert. There were no such buildings, there were no such statues...

_Where the hell am I?_

- _At home_.-the voice answered behind Me.- _With me._

- _With you? Where am I?_ -I whispered to the person standing behind me. Still, I did not even see the face of this person nor immediately recognize the voice.

\- _You are on the planet Vulcan. With me_. - The voice answered me.

When he approached, I realized that it was Vektan.

Instead of be worried about myself or to be angry that he " _kidnapped_ " me and brought me here ... I was very happy to see him.

- _Why are we here?-_ I whispered looking at his beautiful face.

- _This is my home_.-he said to Me.- _Our home_.

-But I'm not a Vulcan. - I replied.-This is neither my home nor my time... I ... I no longer have a home. I lost everything I had long ago…

He was silent and looked at me. His deep dark eyes with very high eyebrows gave me some peace.

He raised his index and middle finger of his right hand toward me. Something told me to do the same. Our fingers joined us. His fingers gently gliding up and down my own.  His eyes did not leave mine.

- _I know your pain_.-he said to Me.- _I know your fear ... Your inadvertence. And I understand. I understand your feelings because I am bound to you._ _I can see your memories…_

- _How you can do that_?"-I whispered confused.- _You do not feel anything. You are a Vulcan. Your species chose not to feel any emotion…_

- _Look deeper…-_ his voice was deep whisper and echoed in my head like an echo.

And I saw again a Vulcan little boy when his peers beat him… The boy was weak, skinny and looked very sad. I saw them push him away, as they consider him to be less valuable to Vulcan because he once showed his feelings in the public. Just because he cried when he fell. He was injured. I saw him falling from the ladder. He hurt his head. I saw a moment when the green blood was leaking from his head. And then, beautiful big brown eyes have cried. _And they all saw it._ Dishonor. Fear. Shame. Pain. Rejection. _I saw everything. I felt everything._

Even how negative his family reacted when he chose Starfleet instead of studying at the Vulcan Academy of Sciences.

The woman to whom his parents „ _married_ “ him in the childhood marriage rejected him. He was not good enough for her anymore. I saw that scene as clear as if I was standing next to him ... And then I saw the Vectan struggling and fighting with another Vulcan male. And I saw how he loses that duel. He lost everything. Again. His honor, his potential future mate/wife, duel ... _everything_. Then I saw him sitting in Ten Forward watching me from a distance. I saw his first honest reaction when he lost against me in Vulcan chess.

I saw him how he listened carefully at the conference room while I was holding a lecture on the 20th century. I've seen everything. How he swallowed dry air while looking at me from a distance, how he was analyzed me when I was talking to him at the Sickbay … I even saw how he blush when I touch his shoulder once when I complimented him when he finally beat me in chess.

- _How come I can see this?-_ I smiled confused. - _These are your memories, your past ... These are your…emotions._

He took both my hands into his own.

- _We are now two bodies, one mind and one soul_." he told me.- _You will never be alone again. Never again, ashaya._ _Now you have a home. And now I have a home. My home is where you are. Your home is where I am. Ek'wak ..._

The pain that was once sharp and burning in me now seemed faded and distant. And I never felt like this ... _Belonging_. I was so alone. As an abandoned dog. Out of time. Without mine people, mine family. Without anything and without anyone. Everything I ever felt, I thought that had died with me in the 20th century when I was sentenced sentenced to cryo-sleep.

 _Loneliness is the worst feeling of them all._  That's the biggest punishment. To know that you will never be able to share your pain with anyone same as your past, you’re suffering, and your sins.

No one could have been in my head, no one could _feel_ my _feelings_. No one could understand how bad I feel in this century, how sorry I'm to be still alive and what I have to go through each day and how painful is remind yourself that you are all alone in this world even though you are surrounded by the best people in the world. I was so alone. So lonely. _Loneliness is the worst. That's the biggest punishment._

And now ... _Now it's all gone._

I did not believe that I would ever need anybody more than I now need HIM.

He was in me, I was in him.

_He's in my mind, I'm in his._

_Two bodies. One mind. One soul. Forever._

And he knew ... he knew everything about me. But he was still there. She did not run away. His fingers were still intimately placed against mine. His gaze was still gentle. His breath was sweet and hot like this desert.

The ground beneath me was no longer covered with my own blood. Now... I saw hope in my life.

_I've seen the salvation._

_I saw my new start._

_My new world._

I saw a young boy running through a long room towards me. He was very young and very small. He was abut 4, 5 human years old. And then, the boy stopped in front of me and reached his little hand out to me.

His hair was dark same as his eyebrows. But his eyes was too human. Too gentle and too familiar. But, the boy was not human, he was Vulcan. I can see his proud Vulcan eyebrows.

I try to reach his hand, but the boy gave me one last look through his Vulcan eyebrows and look behind me.  
I turned. Behind me, Vectan stood proud.

His hands reach me and his palms cover my face, identical to what he did in his cabin.

- _It will be over soon ...-_ I heard his voice through the swing and his figure disappeared through the darkness. Missing character.

_**...** _

Next thing I know, I woke up in the Sickbay. Above me Dr. Poulaski stood dressed in a suit like an antient astronaut.

\- It's okay now. She is stabile… for now.-she said to someone.

_What????_

_What happened???_

_Where… I was just…What??_

_Sickbay… I am at the Sickbay…._

_This was a dream._

_Nightmare._

_Dream…_

_Nothing more…_

My heart was beating so strong that I started coughing.

Dr. Pulaski immediately added me a glass of water.

I got a sip.

\- Doctor ... - I had to make a voice to speak. - What you ... What I…

\- It's okay, Y / N. - she said to me. - You're safe. You are in the Sickbay.  Try to calm down, everything will be fine...

I looked around. There, behind the glass of quarantine, counselor Deanna Troi stood and looked a little worried. Her the hair was tied into a tall bun. She seemed even more concerned looking like that. 

Maybe… _This was not a dream at all._

My torn laboratory coat was still on the floor. I was ... honestly ... half naked, but that was the least thing I was worried about because it was still hot in here.

-Did you find out what was wrong with me? - I asked.

-I have several theories that have not been confirmed yet.-doctor replied.

-What is the most logical of you?-I asked immediately.-And please, can you lower the temperature here?

The doctor first lowered the temperature by several degrees.

-Of course.-she replied.-The most logical, but also the most stupid one is that you are experiencing a  some kind of _Pon farr_. And so I have to ask you a few questions. Are you ready to answer?

I nodded my head.

-When were you doing experiments in the 20th century, was it possible that you could isolate Vulcan DNA? - She asked.

-In the 20th century, we did not know what had happened before, a hen or egg! - I said a bit sarcastic.-We could not know that the Vulcans exist! Like any other alien race!

The doctor sighed.

-Well, we found traces of Vulcan DNA on your face.-she said to Me.-Where did you get that DNA then?

I buried my head into my palms.

-After we diagnosed _Pon Farr_   to Lieutenant Vektan, I went to his cabin to see if he was alive. - I said.

-And what happened then? - She asked instantly.

-He has been in a sort of agony. I suppose that is normal when Vulcans feel emotions for the first time in their life and when they are out of their emotional and logical control.-I said.-I managed to make a cocktail of medicines that supposed to knock him down and relished him from his agony at least for a while. His meditations did not seem to be successful.

-But I still don´t understand how did you get his DNA on your face? - She added.-Did he resist, or did you try to fight him like you try to fight with Worf few hours ago?

I shook my head.

-He did not attack me. - I said.

-What?-she replied immediately?

-He just touched my face with his hands for a couple of seconds. That's all.-I said.

The doctor stared at me for a few moments.

-All right.-she told me.

-Will you let me out now? - I said softly.

-No.-she replied.

-Doctor, you do not understand!-She said instantly. -You have to get me out of here as soon as possible! If I stay here, I will die! I cannot bear this light nor this heat nor your voice or their presence!!

The doctor got out of quarantine faster and left me alone.

I do not know how much time has passed, but Lieutenant Taurik appeared suddenly at the door of the Sickbay. He was the last person I wanted to see now.

-If you've been called to re-explain the method of Vulcan mating and the Pon farr, I've already made you loud and clear that I do not want to talk about it again!- He said in a straight voice.

-I'll tell you, this has become far more serious than it was. - Deanna Troi said.-Look at her! Look at Y/N! What do you see?

Taurik then looked at me. I felt his eyes staring at me, no emotion, and just cold stare. However, his eyes was briefly shaken, and for a second I saw the emotion of discomfort in him.

-Is it possible that Pon farr is contagious?-doctor asked.- "Y / N is a genetically modified human, claiming that in the 20th century they could not possibly get to the Vulcan DNA and modify it in their own. But by analyzing her tissue and skin, I found traces of Vulcan DNA at her face...

-Oh. - Taurik said simply.

-Oh?-doctor replied.-That's all you are going to tell me?

Taurik looked at her with a close look.

- _Pon Farr_ , Dr. Pulaski, it's not contagious as infectious diseases.-he said, walking gallantly toward Me.-You can release Y / N from quarantine.

-But we still do not know the cause of her condition!-she replied.-I refuse to let her out of quarantine until we find the cause! Does not your logic require that too?

-My logic just tells me that you have no need to be concern, Doctor. - He said in a simple and calm tone.

-Excuse me!?- She said, immediately crossing hands at her chest.

Taurik decided to say whatever he has to say.

-The neurochemical imbalance can be transmitted to the other via the telepathic connection.-he said-It can also be transmitted to other races than Vulcans during the telepathic connection or the bonding of minds between the Vulcan and the partner he choose.

-You mean that Lieutenant Vektan had somehow transferred Pon farr to Y / N?-She asked...

-No. - Taurik replied. –Vektan chose her as his mate and telepathically bond by her.

-IIs she even aware of that?-doctor asked Deanna Troi.

Deanna shrugged in uncertainty.

-Y / N is usually very simple, she feels emotions like every human being. Usually she feels a few emotions: nostalgia, sadness, and sometimes happiness that soon turns into pain. But now I am unable to follow her emotions. But I think he's partly aware of it what is happening to her.

The sound of their sentences has become too loud.

I can still hear his voice inside my head.

-LET ME OUT!!!!!!!!!- I shouted louder than I thought I was doing it.

-Should we put her in the sleep again?-the young assistant asked.

-No. - Dr. Pulaski answered and looked at Taurik.-What else do you have to say to me?

-I've told you too much. - He said with an intent on leaving, but the doctor immediately caught him on his upper arm and paused.

-Y / N is life is in danger, Lieutenant!-she said.-She went through so much in her life and she is still experiencing this! Do you not care about it at all?

Taurik was silent for a few seconds.

\- That what Y / N is experiencing now, we call _Plak tow_. Plak tow literally means " _blood fever_ ". It is characterized by irrational and impulsive behavior, aggressive nature and high temperature, especially during the final stages of Pon farr. It is normal for the Vulcans to be unable to talk or to think clearly in this situation, and the desire for mating is very strong and irresistible. I'm surprised that Vektan is still in manage to calm himself and to resist the desire to kill someone to come after his mate.  Because things that are happened in our head during Pon farr, we are not aware of it. And believe me, nobody and nothing will prevent him from coming after his mate.

-You are saying that Y / N behaves like this because Vektan has bond his mind with hers and now she is experiencing the same thing as he is?-Deanna asked.

-Yes. - Taurik said.-What would mean that she agreed to his marriage proposal.

-What? I'm sorry! - Doctor said in disbelief.-She would never agree to that!

-If I were you, I would not be so sure.-he said coldly and confidently.-It's logical to choose a mate like Y / N.

-Do you really think that Y / N agreed to marry Vektan?-doctor asked Deanna.

-I do not know.-Deanna replied.

-Maybe she is not aware of that.-doctor replied.

- _Kon-ut so'lik_ is the thing that Vulcan male need to ask personally his potential partner.-Taurik replied.-I am sure that Y/N is well aware of that.

The doctor cannot believe in that.

-I left them alone shortly when I went out of the Sickbay ...- she replied.-The next thing I know that when I left, Y / N set Lieutenant Vektan free.

-That does not exclude the possibility of a marriage proposal and confirmative answer from a potential partner. - Lieutenant Taurik said.

One part of me wanted to hide under the bed, and the other part wanted to hit the glass shield as long as it did not break.

I struck my fist as hard as I could, but of course the quarantine was designed for aggressive patients.

I fell to my knees in front of the quarantine wall and suspended the loud cry in the voice.

- _Let me, let me out! I did not do anything to anyone!_ -I sobbed, holding on to a painful fist.

Deanna Troi shuddered looking at me.

-Tell me, please Lieutenant, how are we to cure this? - Doctor asked.

-After all I said to you, dr.Pulaski, you still do not understand me!-Taurik said slightly cynical.-Pon farr is not a disease, it cannot be cured! This has to be solved between two partners!

-How can we finish it, how does the fever stop before it will become deadly for both of them?-doctor asked, waving her hands in front of Taurik´s face.-How can Pon Farr finish for her since Y / N is not Vulcan?"

\- Blood fever can be broken only by successful mating.-he replied.-Or it can be solved by koon _-ut-kal-if-fee_ , in which two Vulcan males fought for the right to mate with a certain female. Before, _kal-if-fee_ was a Vulcan "passion fight" to the death. Now it can be solved without death. A female could claim kal-if-fee if she did not want the male arranged for her at childhood for example.

-Could Y/N claim _kal-if-fee_?-Deanna asked.

-Yes, I believe so-Taurik replied.-If she does not want Vektan as her partner, she can claim kal-if-fee.

The doctor looked at Deanna Troi with a slight relief.

-And what after that?-Deanna asked.

-When one of these rituals passes, the blood fever disappears and both of them will recover from symptoms. - Taurik added.

-Well, it's settled then!-doctor said.-Lt.Worf never liked Vektan anyway and he would definitely agree to fight with…

-That's not logical, doctor.-Taurik said instantly.

-Why? - She asked.-Didn´t you say now that...

-I did not hear that Y / N said she did not want Vektan for her mate.-he said.-Did you hear that? Did she said it?  And we have no evidence that she did not agree to his proposal.

The doctor was treacherous but he did not say anything.

-It does not make sense to talk to her when she does not know where she is and whether she agreed to marry her. - Deanna said.

The doctor, however, did not give up that easy.

She went to the glass of quarantine, and knocked me a few times.

-Y / N!  Look at me!!-doctor shouted loudly at me.-Y / N!! Did you agree to marry Vektan?

 _Nothing_.

-Y / N, do you hear me?-she said again. -Did you agree to marry Vektan?

_Nothing._

I looked right into her. But I did not hear what she was saying.

-Deanna, what do you say?-doctor asked as she looked at the counselor.

-I'm sorry, it's hard to say.-she said.-I have not encountered such a disturbed mind and it is difficult to tell me what she actually feels and what she really wants. But I can tell you one thing. She is not feeling lonely anymore. It is hard to explain…but…like she is no longer alone in her head. Like it was...

-Two bodied, one mind and one soul?-Taurik said.

-Yes, something like that!-Deanna nodded.

-Then we all know what will happen next. - Taurik added and went out of the Sickbay.

I saw my doctor's feet come back near the glass while I was still on the floor.

I heard the sound of quarantine discontinued.

I looked up at her.

-I know what is wrong with you.-she told me.

I look at her, but my taught were somewhere else.

\- I need it ... It's not ... Why he is not... - I was unconnected looking at the place there. - I was ... Desert ... Air... Planet ... far ... He was ... Where is he? I need him ... Where is he?

-Y / N, now we know you're going through Pon Farr. And that you entered the final stage of Pon farr, which is very dangerous.-doctor said touching my shoulders. - Listen to me, focus on me! I'll help you! There are ways to stop this before it's too late!

-Not here ...You cannot help me…- I respond.

-Listen to me! - She shouted.-We can help you!

I tried to calm down for a moment.

-How? -I was shaking right away.-HOW?

-Taurik explained to us the „ a barbaric way of seeking a partner“and Pon farr!-she replied immediately.-We know now how it started and know how it ends! I know you! I know you do not consciously agree to marry anyone!! All this is a big mistake that we will correct as soon as possible!

I looked at her all the time trying to concentrate.

-When Vektan touched your face, he connected his mind with yours.-doctor said.-And now you are experiencing Pon farr because of that. And if we do not apply some of the techniques of " _solving_ " Pon farr, you will die!

\- Why ... - I did.

-You will die, Y / N!-she snapped.

I was looking around the room.

There were also the young assistants who looked scared of me. Deanna Troi, who looked at me with compassion and a doctor Pulaski who was still shaking my shoulders trying to get my attention.

-No ...-I whispered.-Why is he not here? Where is he...? I'm not alone. I'm not alone. When he is here….In here… Where is he?

-Doctor, I think she is asking for Vektan's presence. - Deanna Troi said.-I feel tremendous nostalgia and emotions that are focused on one person only. Vektan.

-That's all because of that mind bonding!-her replied.-Y / N was not in love with anyone or ever wanted to marry anyone, especially not for Lieutenant Vektan! She did not even know him well!

-I know everything ...- I said.-I'm not crazy...

-No one tells you you're crazy, my dear.-doctor said softly.-But what is happening to you is not your fault. And we'll try to get it together ... I do not want you to suffer later because you were the victim of other feelings and impulses. You look terrible ... you did not even eat or sleep, your eyes are tired, look at all that bruise in your body. We could not restrain you throwing yourself around the room...

I looked at her completely broken.

\- But I need him ... –my voice was broken. - Please, Doctor ... When he is there ...in my head, I'm not alone...

The doctor looked at me and lowered her head.

-I do not know who I'm talking to.-she said to me.-With normal  Y / N or with a creature forced to listen her primary impulses because of the Vulcan biological process?"

I withdrew from what I could still do. I ran to my back at the floor of the ambulance until I touched my desk on my back.

-I'm so alone ....I said, clenched in the corner of her legs up to her chin.-I'm cold, I'm not feeling good! I am so alone!

I started trembling. I did not even have any tears to cry.

The doctor looked at me and then look at Deanna.

I heard a clear voice calling my name several times.

_Y / N ...help me._

_Y / N ....save me._

At first, the voice was calm and gentle. But then, it was broken and sounded angry and desperate.

_Y / N..._

_My Y / N ... I am coming for you!_

\- And he needs me! I can hear him calling my name. He's in pain! In agony! - I was screaming with my broken voice. - I need him too! NOW!!

\- Do not you hear me calling me? Do not you hear? "I whispered literally squeaking a glimpse of the voice, pointing to the air.

I saw how Dr. Pulaski and Deanna Troi looked at.

-Don´t you hear that?-I said to Dr. Deanna, and then looked at Me.-He will come here!

-Y / N, that's all in your head! That's not real!-she replied.

Then I heard the whisper that sounded so silent that it was just to me and no one else could hear it in this world.

_T'nash-veh katelau ..._

_T'nash-veh ko-telsu ..._

_T'nash-veh kanok-vei ..._

-I CAN HEAR HIM!! PLEASE!! BRING ME TO HIM!!-I shouted.

The doctor then approached one of his computer panels.

-This makes no sense anymore.-she said, looking down at Deanna Troy.

-Try to calm down, please ..." Denis squatted beside me and tried to comfort me.

-Computer, find where Lieutenant Vektan is.-she said.

- _The Vectan is in custody_.- Computer answered.

The doctor looked at Deanna.

-Doctor Pulaski to Lt.Worf. - Doctor said through the communicator.

 _-Worf here!-_ Worf's voice replied.

-Why is Lieutenant Vektan in custody?-she asked.

- _Because of the attack on a few officers of the ship_. - He replied.

-Did he do that in his cabin?-she asked.

- _After demolishing it, he went out. -_ Worf replied.- _We caught him few minutes ago._

 -I suppose he went at the Sickbay when he attacked you? - She asked.

- _Yes_. - Worf said.- _We stopped him in time, now in custody under surveillance. I'm sending you three injured at the ambulance..._

-Okay. - Dr.Pulaski replied.-Pulaski out.

The doctor sat on the table and called for Captain Picard.

Before the Captain, three security ensigns announced by Worf, came here.  All three had marks on themselves, one of them had a broken arm.

And they all did the same thing. Trying to catch Vektan.

\- Doctor, he went crazy! Everything happened so fast we could not stop it! Then Lieutenant Mason shot a phaser on him, and now he's in custody ... We barely caught him! –One of the security guard was talking to dr.Pulaski.

-And he was calling her all the time!-one of the ensigns looked at me, literally pointing with finger in my direction.

The moment stared at me, then looked at the other two.

-What the hell is going on here?-he said.

The doctor looked at me and then in Deanna.

-That illness is called ... a…Chicago green fever flu! - Doctor said.

All three looked slightly confused.

-I never heard of that illness, Doctor.-one of them said.

-Normally when you are not a doctor!-she said instantly.-Y / N was working on the prototype of this disease and accidentally transmitted it to Lieutenant Vektan while playing Kal-toh!

-Is this dangerous for us?-one of them immediately asked.

-Of course it is!-doctor said.-And that's why I'll give you the cure!

Then, she use her hypo spray and each of them injected into the shoulder.

-Now you are free.-she said to them.-You can come back to your duties.

All three of them came back from where they came from.

\- A Chicago green fever flu??-I laughed uncontrollably from the floor.-I still have that much of my own mind to know that does not exist!

-What did you give them out of medication?-Deanna asked.

-Just mix of vitamins.-she replied.-They looked a little pale.

Deanna smiled.

-No one have to know what you are going through.-the doctor said, looking at Me.-I want you to go through this with dignity now that we know the reason.

The door of the Sickbay opened and the Captain came in.

-I came as soon as I could.-he said.-What is the state?

The doctor then told him all about the _Pon Farr_ , my condition and the Vektan state. Ashe even told him and about lying about a Chicago green fever flu. I tried to get involved in the conversation, but I just could not ... I just saw how the captain tries not to stare at me as I plucked back to the floor.

-And do you suggest that we let them….mate?-Captain tried not to sound strange and embarrassed, even though his voice was saying he was horrible to talk about this subject.

The doctor shrugged.

-I do not know, Captain,-she said. -Since the medical side cannot help much, and Deanna Troi is unable to follow the Y / N emotions ... I do not know what else to do.

The captain rubbed his face.

That's what Riker came in.

-Dear God, what is this?-he could not help but clap his hands in shock when he saw me.

-For all the others, this is a Chicago green fever flu.-dr.Pulaski replied.

-Green ... What? - Riker said confused. - Why is Y / N on the floor? And it looks like this...

A moment of silence.

-I have no idea what's going on here, but I've come for the captain. - He said.-They call you sir at the bridge.

-What's going on?-doctor said.

\- Starfleet Command.-he told him.

The captain immediately rushed away from the Sickbay after Riker.

Deanna went immediately after them.

-What's going on? - I whispered.

-I have no idea.-she replied.-But how do you feel now?

-I'm fine at this moment.-I said.-This is something I cannot describe.

-Then you seem to me to be compatible with the conversation.-she replied.

\- It's feels like coming and going ... like a wave. At the moment I feel normal, ant moment after that I feel bad again, as if losing control over my own body. Literally.-I replied when she started scanning me again.

-When all of this is over, you owe me dinner.-she told me.

I started laughing.

-Do you have anything I can do to help you a little? - She asked. "Would you like to drink or eat?

-No. - I said.-If you do not mind, I'd be happy to be alone. Lock me if you need it. I would try something.

-If I can ask, what?-she asked.

-I have read Surak's philosophy.-I replied.-Vulcans use meditation to calm down and hold their deep emotions under control. Even for regain harmony of life…

\- I thought that you did not believe in it ... - she comes across me.

-I have an intolerable desire for sex, doctor. And funny thing is, I have never had a sex before.-I replied, suspending the emotions that sounded like going from me. -Right now I believe in everything!

The doctor figured out what I could do.

-I'll leave you.-s he told me.

-Doc, please lock me in quarantine. - I said.-I do not want to hurt anyone anymore.

She looked at me a couple of seconds and do as I asked.

Deep inside I was hoping that this would help me though my logical side of the mind was saying she would not.

This meditation was a torture. Really. It was hard for me to be still and try to focus.

I joined my fingers exactly as the Vulcans taught me to do.

The Surak's teaching was radical ... I was hoping this would help at least for a moment.

I senses how chill passes through my spin. How I sink into the deepest parts of my mind.

- _What are you doing_?-the voice in my mind asked me.

I opened my eyes.

I found myself sitting God where. I was some kind of cave, I sat still in the position of meditation. There was fire in front of me. Behind that fire, a man was seated.

-What are you doing?-he asked me again through the swing.

The figure behind the fire has become clearer.

-Spock? - I said confused.

The pleasant old-man Vulcan face gave me a gentle look. _Ambassador Spock_. He sat in a meditation position identical to mine.

-Why are you here?-I whispered.

-Why are _you_ here?-h e replied in a melodic deep tone.

-Spock, you do not understand ...-I replied.-I do not have more time...

-Surak said, time is the way from the past to the future and back.-he told Me.-And the present is the turning point of life. You are now on at that point, Y / N.

_And then I remembered, maybe I just died and this is my flashback of my life..._

-Am I dead? - I whispered.

Spock smiled.

-No. - He replied. -But if you keep being so stubborn and you do not see the logic of things around you, you might die.

This seems to have been my last attempt ... the last attempt to confess my soul. My family ... they were _believers_. They believed in God, they were Catholics. They believed in confession. I never believed in their beliefs, but I respected them. I felt like this was my last chance to " _confess_ ".

-Spock, I think I did something terrible. - I said with deep shame in the voice.

-Oh? - She said simply.

-I'm…I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake ...-I said.-I allowed myself to agree to a marriage with Vektan who is a Vulcan, because I refused to listen to what he was saying to me at the Sickbay. I was thinking he complained as any other patient ... A then I let Vektan bond with my mind and that ... Do not let me even tell you what's going on!

-It is logical that even we, the Vulcans, need to be emotionally lead to someone. A long time ago, I asked my father why he married my mother. Then he told me that it was logical. Years after, he admitted to marry her because he loved her. He had feelings for her.-he said to Me.-The need to release our deepest emotions, the darkest secrets are sometimes irresistible. _Pon farr_ is a ritual in which we can only share that with another person and experience emotions for few days every seven years. Emotions in humans make a positive impact, but in Vulcans emotions are like having a finger on a bomb trigger. Emotions can destroy us as they almost destroyed us once long time ago.

-I'm not a Vulcan. Nor I am an ordinary human.-I said.-I will never be able to give Vektan what he really needs...

-Is that correct?-he asked.-And what, in your opinion, does the Vektan need?

I shrugged.

-I do not know!-I answered.-Spock, you know who I am, you know where I come from. You know my biggest fears, you know what my weaknesses are. From the moment you looked into my mind, it was clear to you that I did not belong here. I would never be able to belong to this world as I once belonged to. I cannot follow the logic in the way that the Vulcans can. I cannot be suitable partner for him… I'm just a human...

-And then it remains a logical choice.-he said easily.

\- What? - I whispered.

-There is always a kal-if-fee.-he said to me.-Challenge. Fight. If you do not want him to be your mate, you can refuse him and claim _kal-if-fe._

I shook my head.

-But we both know, Y / N, that this is not a logical choice.-he replied.

-Spock, do you always have to tell the word" _logical_ "?-I asked.-It becomes…annoying.

-Fine, but the word „ _logical_ " is the only word and process that is right to solve the current position in which you are standing and making decision. - He replied.

I rolled my eyes.

-To me, it is _clear_ why Vektan has chosen you for your partner.-he told me obviously avoiding the word „logic“

-Why? - I asked.

-Think about it. - He said.

I've been thinking a little bit.

-I do not know. - I replied.

-You know. - He said.-You saw his mind. You saw him how he saw you.

I tried to remember everything.

-Because he feel sorry for me? - I asked ironically.

-My human side says to me it's logical to smack you at your stubborn head!-he replied.

I giggle a little.

Spock looked at me, smiling softly.

-He is alone, Y / N. - he said to me at last.-He, though exteriorly looks like every Vulcan, and is falling apart inside. His upbringing and his origin do not allow him to break apart. You and the others do not see it, but he has been fighting with himself since childhood. He put in so much energy and so much effort to be what everyone expects of him to be. Although the Vulcans do not admit, there is doubt in every one of us, even though we have been taught since early childhood to exclude emotions and conduct ourselves with the logic and reason of the Surak's teaching. But there is always a tease. There is always a new challenge that will challenge us what we will do. Will we go after what our heart tells us or what the logic tells us? It is not true that we do not feel. We chose not to feel emotion, as I said before, because it would destroy us. Our emotions are deeper and much more complicated than human emotions.  And the choice to fulfill the Vulcan tradition, Vektan also pass the ultimate level of logical which was  purge him  of all remaining emotion. That is our way.

I stared at him for few seconds.

-Have he ...-I asked.-Did a childhood wife refuse him because he was not as good as a Vulcan?-I whispered.

Spock shrugged.

\- I'm not here to judge her actions.-he replied.-Just yours. The past remains the past, and the present is the turning point of life. You are now on point.

I was silent for a while.

-Spock, with all due respect, your logic and your indirect advice are not of some great help to me." I replied.-I personally think Vektan chose me because she found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. And it happened, it just happened. That's coincidence!

\- Coincidence does not exist. Everything happens with reason. -he said.

-My mind is advanced and sophisticated enough to deal with pure logic.-I added.- Then, according to your logic, is the fact that Vektan has chosen a partner who is a genetically modified human from the 20th century, a criminal and a lifelong life-long dreamer who has been awakened after 350 years in this century is a logical choice? And how does your Vulcan logic explain that the possibility of getting children in such a partnership between the Vulcan and the human is naturally impossible without medical assistance. You are the first one who can understand that, Spock. And who knows, what kind of a child would it be if it´s about to carry my modified genes and pure Vulcan genes. Therefore, if we want a baby, we will need a medical assistance which can include God knows what because my genes are already modified! Even though I'm a molecular biologist, I still do not agree with the fact that we get too involved in somebody's genome. And especially if it's about my child's genome!

-Fascinating! - He said, slightly amazed.

-Just try to say that I sound like a Vulcan, and then my human side will have the need for you to smack your head!-I replied.

This time, Spock spoke quietly silently.

-I'm sorry, but I cannot get rid of the impression.-he laugh quietly.

-Cool, now Vulcan laughs at me too...- I replied ironically.

We've been silent for a few moments.

-Put out the logic aside for a moment, Y / N. - he said to Me.-Consider it now, as a human being, when your mind is clear in this meditation. This is your chance for a new life. A new opportunity to build a new world, have a family and finally gain unconditionally trust in someone. Is that not what you wanted for yourself? Is not that what you were afraid would never happen to you again? Remember how much we work to give you back your confidence, teach you again how to trust people and colleagues, a sense of security. You're a good person, you will not hurt anyone. What happened in the 20th century, let it stay there. Khan is no longer part of you. It's your past. You are your savior now. Believe in yourself, in your feelings. Vektan did not chose you because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Before Vulcans choose their mate, they observe and analyze them in all possible ways than humans can even think about. In the same way as you are watching and analyzing someone before you decide to trust him.

-Are you saying that I am like partly responsible for what Vektan has chosen me?-I asked.-It's like, did I do something to draw his attention? To attract him in some way? We did not talk more than a couple of sentences a week!

-In contrast to human men, the Vulcans seek a female with a sense of discipline, understanding, open mind, intelligence, logic, and respect.-he told me.

-All right, this is also a desirable quality in humans.-I replied. - At least, they were when my parents married back in...Well, long time ago.

-Tell me, when you bond your minds, what did you feel?-he asked.

-Peace.-I replied.-Freedom. Hope. I felt like I will never again be left behind or forgotten. The same with him. Harmony. Good and bad. Fear and calmness. Loyalty…

I understood where Spock took me to this conversation. He literally made me lost the battle against myself.

\- Two bodies. One mind. One soul.-Spock told me-He is what you are, and you are what he is. It is the meaning of Pon farr, not sexual pleasure as humans understand it. That's the meaning of marriage. That's the essence of our community. That's the meaning of the relationship between the two of you.

-Then why do you advise me to become Vektan´s mate? - I whispered. -To be his wife, after all the differences between us? But ... Spock ... I still think it's not logical...

At that moment, Spock smack me on my head as he announced earlier.

I felt like Simba from the Lion King when Rafiki hit his head with his stick.

-Put down the logic, Y / N!-he replied.-Look at your deepest emotions ... there's nothing logical about mating, about _Pon farr_.

That's the last thing I heard before I opened my eyes.

Above me was the ceiling, around me the blood flowing from my fists. I have been able to cut my palms with my own fingernails.

-Doctor, I think its awake.-said one assistant.

-Y / N, do you hear me? –dr.Pulaski plucked me on my cheeks.

I shuddered and looked at her.

There were a few people in the room, including First Officer William Riker.

-Her modified organism seems to be much stronger than I thought. - I heard the Doctor's voice speak.

-What is Vektan's condition?-Deanna Troi asked.

-The last time we checked, he meditated to calm himself down. - Worf said.-But judging by what I've heard before, it's not good. But I´m giving him my respect and admiration for the discipline.

-Will, what are the chances of us coming to Vulcan?-the doctor said. -Or at least to their first colony?

-Unfortunately, things have changed drastically.-Riker said with an exclamation in his voice.-The Starfleet has ordered us to pick up an Ambassador on the coordinates sent by Admiral Gromek. Nobody told us anything anymore.

-And then it makes no sense either to try to get to Vulcan?-doctor was worried.

-I'm afraid not.-he replied.-The order came from Starfleet high command. They say this is a very important mission. We don´t want to disobey a direct command.

-Will, she's dying!-doctor said again.-It's a real miracle that she’s still alive!

-We have no more time.-said Deanna.

Then I saw the Captain entering the Sickbay with an expression of apology on his face.

-Will is right, we must obey on the direct command.-the captain said.-On the other hand, I cannot describe how much regret I feel that we endanger the lives of our two crewmembers. I could not even try to explain the situation to Starfleet command, they broke the line with us.

-What are we going to do, Captain? - Deanna Troi said.

-I cannot even decide what to do.-He said.-After all you told me...

I had a feeling of being under the water while they were talking about me. And their voices were echoed in my ears.

But the last atom of energy that allowed me to use I'll use it for myself.

I managed to get up and get to the captain.

-Captain.-I said with a trembling voice.-While my mind is clear for a moment ... Listen to me.

The Captain looked at everyone else. They all went outside except Dr. Pulaski and him.

The Captain directed all the attention to me.

-Let me go. Let me go to him. I know what to do. I know what I have to do to make this agony come to an end.-I said.-I do not have anything else in my life anyway. And I do not want to Lt.Vektan die because me. Not one of us wants to fight against anyone consciously, and I do not particularly want Vektan to fight with someone in such a state ... I know what he is going through. I know how it feels. I know what an agony he is experiencing that he is drive into madness. I do not recognize myself, I have no peace, I hear voices, and I see pictures of the past and the future. I see Vektan's face and I hear his voice every time I close my eyes...

-What do you suggest?-he said.

I was nervous when I feel that another wave of heat and anger that held me here came to my head. The meditation that gave me short of stability….and it has gone now.

-Vektan gave me the vision and the reason for live. I cannot tell you what he had show me, but that was the only think I was hoping for when I was awakened from the cryo-sleep.-I said by force, coming to my breath and fighting myself-I was looking for someone who would understand my suffering, someone who would give me peace that I can die with peace. He gave it to me. I owe him everything I have. This is my chance ... This is a chance for both of us! I know what happened to his "childhood-wife". She refused him, he lost a fight against another Vulcan male for her! I cannot let him to fight second time at this condition, possibly lose again and experience such shame once again!

Picard watched me briefly.

-Are you aware to what you are talking about?-he asked me slowly.

I tried not to groan while I was talking.

-I need his presence, right now!-I said, barely holding on to kicking someone in the face or breaking Captain´s neck.-I think I'll die if we do not see each other soon! It's no longer funny, it's no longer stupid!  That's the truth and the _need_! That's the only way! THE ONLY WAY!!

\- I have always respected your very much.-he said to me.

Captain look at dr.Pulaski, and then take a deep breath.

-Picard to Lieutenant Barclay. - The captain said over the communicator.

- _Bbb...Barclay here_.-said a shocked voice.

-Prepare Holodeck 4 again. Make it look like planet Vulcan. - He added.-You are an expert in holographic projections. How much will you need for that?

- _About ten minutes_. - He said.

-Okay. - The captain said.-Picard out.

Picard sighed.

-Sorry, Doctor, but without your permission we tried to apply something what the First Officer Riker had proposed.-he replied with a gentle apology in his voice.

-Why did you do that!?-she said instantly.-Have you tried to make a holo prostitute to satisfy and trick Lieutenant Vektan? _Pon farr_ does not work like that!

-But there was a theory that ...-Capitan began but the doctor immediately interrupted him.

-These are unsupported theories that can be very dangerous!-she said angrily.-Don´t you think I would not try that if I was thinking that will work?

The Captain looked like a little kid when the mother yells at him.

-Mostly, the attempt failed because the lieutenant realized that ... the hologram lady, was not ... his _mate_.-he turned to look at me.

-You replicated Y / N and make a hologram that looks like her?!-she asked in disbelief.-Well that's really ... _really_...! “

-And what else could I do?-Captain said.-I've stayed without all the normal alternatives! This event and all this stress that is currently occurring on my Ship is too much for me too!

There was a silence for a few minutes.

-All right.-she try to calm herself down-You tried, you did not succeed.

-But what Y / N suggests. - Captain said and he smiled as if he wanted to comfort Me.-That will be done. It must work!

I watched him briefly.

The temperature has taken over me again.

-Doctor, I think it's getting worse. - medical assistant said and tried to touch me.

-DO NOT TOUCH ME!!- I cried.-DO NOT EVEN TRY TO TOUCH ME OR I WILL BREAK YOUR NECK!!

He jumoed far away from me.

-I am…sorry…-I said when I realized what I just done.

-Captain, this has to be resolved quickly. - The doctor said.

-I agree.-he replied.

The Captain then went to the door and hit his hand toward his communicator.

-Captain Picard to Worf.-he said through the communicator.

- _Worf here_.-he replied.

-Prepare Lieutenant Vektan of transport in the Holodeck 4 again.-he told him.

- _Captain_?-Worf sounded distracted.

-Send him there for ten minutes without further questions.-Captain said.-Picard out.

In the next couple of minutes, I was not even aware of what was going on.

I heard Doctor's voice broke out as she spoke to me while she added something to me.

My body was so sensitive to any stimulation that I had the feeling that the fabric that doctor and Deanna had dressed.

-What is it?-I whispered almost unconsciously.

-The ritual says you have to be ... nicely dressed. - Deanna said with a gentle tone.

Dr. Pulaski rubbed hers nose.

-Even though I'm still against of such mating or marriage or whatever you call it, it's still unacceptable and barbaric for me!-she replied.-All your rights are taken away, this is really…Victorian!

I watched her not even try to answering her.

\- But, since it will save your life ... - she added. - I'll can learn how to live with that guess.

I looked at both of them.

-How…How do I look like? - I have asked the question I did not ask anyone for ages.

Both of them gave me a gentle smiling look.

-Good.-Deanna replied, smiling.-Your partner will be thrilled.

-I hte to admit that, but you are glowing.-dr.Pulaski smiled a little.

I nodded.

-I said with to the Security that no one could enter or leave the holodeck until yours or Vectan's voice was given authorization.-Deanna told Me.-Your exit code is 9-7-8-3-3-2-Gama-Nirvana-1. Will you remember that?

I looked at her.

_At the moment I could not even remember my last name..._

-Of course. - I answered.

-Ready?-she asked.

I nodded.

-Transport room, one for transport directly to the hollodeck 4. - said Dr. Pulaski in the communicator.

      For a moment, after my soul disconnected from the body and connected all the atoms back to one piece, I found myself in a place she would never say was not real.

When my vision crystallized, I realized where I was.

This is Vulcan ... Actually, it´s replica.

I was standing on the balcony. And that identical balcony that I saw in my vision.

With the same view of the far mountains, sand, sculptures ... the same warm air and the same smell of hot sand...

I look around.

-Are you real?-Vektan´s voice shivered.

I turned. He stood behind me, dressed in the same special Vulcan uniform that he was wearing in the vision.

-Or are they trying to deceive me again?-he said with an angry voice.-The holographic view is an undocumented method that is not the same as...!

-I am here! - I answered in a calm tone while I was bereft of my desire to him approach me closer. I found myself to be very attracted to his aggression.

He took a few quick breaths and sighed and leaned close to me.

He stood by me, a little cautious.

He looked at me briefly, and then I heard his voice in my head.

" _Are you really here_? “He asked telepathically.

„ _Yes_ “, I replied the same way.

Relief was seen on his face.

He handed me my index finger and the middle finger, same as in the vision. I do the same.

Our fingers merged with us and the relief that she sensed at the moment was indescribable. His fingers slid from the tips of my fingers to the palm, so they went back and gently circled around them.

Vulcan kiss.

-Two bodies. - He said.

-One mind. - I said.

-One soul. Forever.-we unanimously said the last vow.

_Koon-so so'lik._

His hand gently took my and then he turned me around my axis.

I could feel his hot breath at the back of my neck.

His fingers gently touched my waist, pulling me closer to him, slightly turning me backwards. Then his hands began to glide upward and grabbed both of my breasts and gently touch them.

- _Ashaya_ …-his breath was hot and aroused as he whispered at my ear while his face was next to mine. I could feel his hard member touching my back.

I was on the verge of letting myself fall from desire.

Although my inner urge still wanted his body, his touch ... in reality I had no idea what to do and how to act. One part of me still remained " _the real me_ " who remembered that I had no experience in sexual relationships.

I turned to face him.

He was so handsome, so tall…His eyes were burning with desire.

-Do you mind if I ...-I tried to ask the question, but Vectan immediately interrupted me.

-Of course!-he said with a little bit of excitement, knowing what I am about to ask him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I had no idea whether the Vulcans were allowed to do that, but I had to do it.

Everything was screaming in me: _kissing him, taste his lips_ , _claim him as your mate_... This kiss went so far, I felt every piece of his lips. He returned the kiss, he seemed to know what he was doing. He clutched his hands carefully around my waist, slowly drawing closer to him.

I felt that his fast heartbeats beats even faster and his hands were pulling me closer to his body than I thought I was left without air.He started to kiss my neck and my sholder. The sound of pleasure that came from his lips shook my whole body.

At the next moment, he picked up me his hands and  continued to kiss me, without any hesitation.

And now I definitely knew that was what I really wanted. That's what I was dreaming about, that's what I was hoping for all this time. I've always been waiting for someone ... And I never thought I would find and get everything what I needed in my life from a cold, rational, and logical Vulcan.

 I felt like I was flying as he carrying me somewhere. My eyes were wide open, I looked at his beautiful face. In my eyes, he was perfect.

He carried me through the doors who were leading from the balcony into the interior of this house. He still did not stop touching every inch of my face with his lips.

I saw his mind. I read it as a book. I saw what he wanted ... I saw what ... _He feels_?

I could not get rid of the impression how the " _cold moon_ " suddenly turned into a " _warm sun_ ".

He slowly put me down to the bed in the middle of this room.

-Vektan? -I watched him what he was doing. At the moment he took off her clothes. The beautiful pale skin without a single scab spread like silver in my eyes.

I leaned back slightly back on the bed.

-Do not be afraid. - He said quietly to Me.-I will not hurt you. Never.

With a graceful and gentle touch, he took off my dress. I was completely naked before him.

Slowly, like a predator, he climbed to bed and settled over me. His body radiated heat almost as much as mine. My breath bowed to my neck and then looked deep into my eyes.

-My mate. My wife.-he said looking into my eyes.

He took my hand.

-Forever.-he added, putting a gentle kiss at my palm.

My hands were touching his line of spine, which was a bit different from the human. Under my fingers, his spine looks differently, but not terrifyingly different. It was beautiful.

-I need you so much!-I said, groaning under his kisses that were so passionate that his body radiated like a sun.

His hands slowly touched every part of my body. And it made me crazy ... As if somehow he was afraid to hurt me .. _. And I was burned ...  I needed him in me now…NOW!_

Several times as I accidentally bitten his neck... The ones he made at my neck, were a little painful but somehow necessary. They were a sign ... a sign that I am belong to him

and to him alone. And no other man will ever possess my body and my mind.

I scratched his shoulders, which made him acting insane…He groaned like an animal in great pleasure.

 I became blind and dazed by the passion that I had touched on his body. I caught his member between us and star to stroking him.

-Ashaya, wait…- he said with an excited deep tone of voice but still holding back.-Once when I take you, I will not be able to stop. I will have you, possess you in any imaginable way. I easily could hurt you and I want you to know that that I don´t want to. But I cannot hold back any longer, ashaya… I want you to know that...

I kiss him hard, biting his lips.

-We'll see who will be the „ _the last man standing_ “- I smiled at him.

He returned to me the most arousing smile he ever had.

 _Snap_ ... the fear disappears. All my fear disappeared immediately. I completely relinquished it to all the pleasures my body could offer to me. As he enjoyed me. At all.

He entered me, slowly. I sensed a short pain, but it was gone with a passionate loving kiss. I could see through the fog when the blood appeared between my legs, but it was now completely irrelevant.

- _Vaksurik_ …- his craving desire caught him to the point that he sounded like an animal as he ride me faster and faster.

I felt as if he was pushing all the air out of my lungs.

His strength was enormous. At the moment I thought he would break me apart from the desire. He held me firmly, possessively and passionately as I fell down again to the trans because of his lurking and teasing Vulcan whispers beside my ear. He easily make me cum for the first time… It felt like a bliss… Few seconds after, he took me again. And then, in a short time again. And again.

And then he threw me down to the floor ... He just do it, without any warning. _Oh, how I like it…_

I became much more courageous. _Come to me… come to meeeee….._

-I want to try something.-I said.-I think you might enjoy it.

He look at me as I approach close to him crawling on my knees.

I grabbed his member and start to stroking him gently.

-Oh yess….-he growled.-I do like it…

-It’s called blowjob.-I replied.

He sighed sensually feeling me  running my tongue up and down his member.

I put him in my mouth and still stroking him with my hand. He was… _at heaven_.

His eyes rooled up, his hands took a fistfull of my hair and pull me closer to him. He starts to moan loud. I take him as deep in my throath that I could.

He try to move away from me when he was about to cum…But I hold him by his legs tightly, not letting him go away. He literally explodes down through my throat…panting, moaning… I swallowed everything he had. A hot burning like a lava sperm was burning my throath. But i still villingly lick every drop of it.

 - _You_ …That was…Ah…-he said to me looking at my face. I gave him „ _who is the boss now_ “ look.

-Not bad for a human, ha?-I replied smiling.

I waited for him ready, excited as blood boil in me as though he were going to have his way with me. And again and again ... _again_.

 My craving for him did not stop even after that.

This time he took me from the back, primitive and somewhat painful, firmly clutching my hips with his strength.

I chuckled with desire and pleasure and groaned ... And when I had the feeling that the strength of my body was leaving me, this blood fever made me want to continue. His hot seed filled me again for God knows which time this night.

I can see traces of my fingernails on the floor as a result of another hard orgasm I had…again. And again. And I still needed more. As he was still able to continue this.  His eyes still burned with desire.

He let me in for a moment, turned me face to face and put a gentle kiss on my lips, face, neck, and chest as I tried to get the air.

I caught him by his hair pretty strong and aggressive.

He look at me smiling.

-Get your pretty Vulcan face down and eat my pussy me like your life depends on it!-I ordered him.

He put himself down between in my legs. He put a few kisses into my legs and then spread them with his hands as far as he could.

It does hirt me spreading my leg wide like that, but the moment I felt his tongue at my clit, I forgot everything.

-Put your finger in me!- I said viciously.-Fill me!

Vektan obeyed, thrusting his middle finger up into my sweltering  hole.

I can see it in his face, he like that very much as same as he liked blowjob.

He start to sweating again, his throat hurt looking at my pussy like that. He start to licking me again, eating me like his life depends on it.

-I am going to cum again!!-I almouse scream.

He didnt stop…he eat me through the orgasm…My fluids cover his mouth, he just licked it and moan.

Then he crawl over me, covering me with his ht body. He kiss me few times so I could taste myelf on his mouth. My pussy was burning red, but both of us couldn´t care less about it.

His shaft painful hurt, his head span, his entire body tensed with a yearning ache to do everything his mind cried out for. I can see it in his mind…

-I cannot stop myself... I need more! I need to fuck you again! - He replied with a burning passionate voice, touching my breasts a bit them hard but again at moments gently.

-So, what are you waiting for then?-I said with the same tone.

The laughter again came out of his mouth.

He lifted me up from the floor and pushed back until my back hit the first wall.

My feet clenched on his waist while my lips kissed his neck and left small bites. He fucked me rough.

He plunged back to his baseline, grinding deep against my cervix. I hid hard the wall few times. I thought we would break the holodeck wall, or that I would ultimately break my spine. But he could not hurt me. No, not me. If he had sex with a woman who is not strong like me, she'd be broken like a doll in the first few seconds.

I pushed him back on the bed, tried to be a dominant one and impose my own rhythm. He let me go, but not for long. He was the one who was dominant, he was the one who ran the whole game. I did not have a chance to fight him. Although we were otherwise equally powerful, he was now a mad wolf and I was the prey he caught after a long time.

He turned me again I found myself underneath him. And then his hips began to move, slowly and passionately.

-Don´t stop!-I moaned.-Don´t stoppp…..Oh, God, yes… YES!!

„ _Who do you belong to_?? “, his voice shouted in my head.

„ _To you!_ “, I answered.

- _Say that again!!_ -he groaned out loud.

-I belong to you!!!-I replied as I climaxed again.

-To me, and to me only!-he said possessively to me trusting his member deep into me when he cum.

After eight or nine times of cramped strong orgasm, I no longer counted how many times and in which position he fucked me.

Still, I realized that my body had some boundaries ... I started to feel the mild pain and the heat in me began to fall.

I became tired, too exhausted by this ritual that seemed to have no end ... One part of me told me " _enough_ ," and the other part would do everything to make my mate completely satisfied.

He took me the last time, I saw that he was hot, and his blood fever soon will came to an end. He held me gently, as if he knew this was the last time.

This time, I could called our mating „ _lovemaking_ “, because it really looked like it was pure an act of pure love. He was so gentle, caring, he kissed slowly.

Our orgasm came at the same time. We kept frantically for one another, our bodies were shaken.

 He climaxed for the last time and fill with hot sperm.

 „ _I love you, ashaya_ “, his voice was like a distance song in my head while he was giving me one last slow passionate kiss.

„ _I love you too_ “, I replied.

And the, _the blood fever ended._

He moved away from me and moved to the other side of the bed.

And my mind at that moment became aware of everything.

_What I just did._

_With whom I just did it._

_Who am I?_

_Where am I?_

_And suddenly, I felt the fear again in myself._

Not because we did not use any contraception, not because I literally overnight became Vulcan’s wife because of some old Vulcan ritual…

 I was afraid because I was sure now that this is perhaps the last time I'll ever see and feel Vectan's affection, love or any other feeling except respect and gratitude. That's the only thing he can show me.

And Vektan, after hours that he could not have been separated from me, now literally run away from me to the other side of me. Almost the meter of this king-size bed parted us

I stared at him from the corner of my eye. He was lying beside me on his back and stare blank at the ceiling. For me, his body was still attractive and beautiful. Slowly, his breath returned to normal.

_It's over._

_I knew that._

I did not even dare say anything or even ask him anything.

 I did not know what to do.

 Is it okay to get off the bed first, is it ok to ask him something, can I just tell him something now after everything what happened between us?

As much as I've been informed in sex as a physiological need for a human population, female human body after sex is producing and releasing hormone named oxytocin, which is simply a hormone of cuddling. So, according to that, female human wants to cuddle with her partner after sex.

 And human male body is producing and releasing hormone named melatonin, which is simply a „sleep hormone“that literally makes a male sleepy after having a sex.

I looked at Vectan with the corner of my eye again. He did not sleep. Obviously, that hormonal part in Vulcan men is different.

I heard a pillow rustle when he turned his head to face me.

-Thank you.-he said to me with a silent voice that seemed to be somewhat embarrassed. But it was unmistakable as well as his gaze that sent me.

-Thank you. - I replied quietly, trying to hide all emotion from him.

-You saved my life.-he added.

-As you are mine. - I replied softly, turning to him.

-You are my spouse now.-he told Me.-I want to you to know that you have all my respect and gratitude.

 _Cool man, I still love you too_ , I thought to myself, but I did not say anything aloud.

His voice was again cold and steady. As it was before _Pon farr_. Exactly how it suits to a Vulcan. That was him. This is his real nature that is his religion, his doctrine. That's him. And I have to accept it as soon as we are ... now married.

We both got up and dressed.

He got up without problems and got dressed quickly. I did the same, acting like nothing hurts me but in reality I was actually convinced that my inner internal organs are falling apart.  My lower belly ached, breasts and my genitals were burning.

My legs were shaking, my joints were soar… Now I know the limit of my body. I was hoping I would not collapse. I was unstable.

But I did not want to show him how I actually feel. He will not understand it anyway. And if he does, I will certainly not say any word of support or empathy.

I stood upright, kept my body overhead. It hurts me like never, but still….no public emotion from me.

One part of me knew this would happen ... But that emotional part of me did not know if I could accept the fact that she would never hear from my husband " _I love you_ " or „I _feel something for you"_ or even "hug me". No ... At least next 7 years until next _Pon farr_. If I will ever experience it. It is all uncertain ... And now, it seemed almost impossible.

But it does not matter. Every job, every project, and every step I made - _I made it to the end_. So I'll do this too.

They taught me how to adapt. They taught me how to accept and learn about other cultures. They taught me how to put someone else in front of my own needs. Khan teach me that. Family before everything. That will be mine mantra from now on. That will keep me…satisfy.

Without fear. Without too much emotion. No tears. Just head up and move on.

This monologue has become poisonous for me.

My thoughts were deeper and deeper and my brain could not stop analyzing every detail he remembered from this blood fever. There were a lot of holes, a lot of disadvantages in the memory my brain tried to fill in a logical sequence happening ... but as I heard it once, there is nothing logical in _Pon Farr_.

So….this all what had happened…This ... this was….in every way… an illusion.

Like this holodeck.

_This is not love. That this is not what I've been waiting for all my life. This is not my salvation. And in fact, this was nothing real._

This blood fever appeared to have made us both act like we were deceived by our most primitive urges.

Perfect marriage does not exist, but there is always a perfect fantasy.

A fantasy in which I was not alone, in which I did not feel discouraged ... In which I will not pass through the various phases of my life…

It was so beautiful ... _It was so nice to not feel alone_. To be with somebody. Share everything with someone who really understands you. With someone who's titled with you on the same wavelength.

_Now…_

_Illusion is over._

_Welcome to reality._

_Welcome._

-Computer, end the program.-Vektan's voice commanded.

He stood beside me, standing upright.

-Before we came here, I got an authorized code for us to go out. - I said.

-I know.-he replied.-I have got one too.

-Computer, Y / N authorization: 9-7-8-3-3-2-Gama-Nirvana-1.-I said.

\- Computer, authorization Lieutenant Vectan: 4-4-7-1-3-5-Omega-Delta-3 -Vektan said.

\- _Confirming authorization_.-computer responded.

The door of the holodeck was open now.

There were no living souls in the corridor.

-Computer, what time is it? - I asked.

\- _It's 02:07am_. - The computer replied.

_Super, we spent nearly eight hours in the holodeck._

-Everyone are sleeping.-I mumbled for myself.

Vektan and I stood for a couple of seconds next to each other like we were both waiting who will be first one to leave.

-If you agree, I would like to go back at my quarters.-I said.

-Of course.-he replied.

We walked slowly to the turbo lift. My legs were still shaking.

In turbo lift- _silence_.

I did not even think of pain, nor how it would be embarrassing if someone else saw me like this stuffy, sweaty, somewhat dirty and scrawny. And in that Vulcan clothes.

Vektan looked at me several times as if he wanted to say something to me, but he did not say anything.

-I must point out that I have noticed that you have closed my mind for me.-he said.-Why?

I looked at him for a few moments.

-I did not know that I was doing it-I shrugged, shaking my head.-I didn’t´ know that our minds are still bonded after _Pon farr_ … And that it´s only a short-term feeling of relaxation and peace in which your  brain begins to create the illusion of the ideal world you have so much wanted and ...

-That's not true.-he interrupted.-Our minds are bonded forever. We are now husband and wife. Our minds are connected.

I looked at him.

-I do not know.-I said. - I know that that the Vulcans usually consider powerful telepaths to touch. And some of your kind are capable of so much more…

-That's what is called fal-tor-pan.-he replied. –But, Y/N, we do not have such a telepathic relationship between us.

\- What? - I whispered.

-By the Vulcan customs, your mind is now connected with mine in early phases of _Pon farr_.-he replied.-It means that you and I can communicate telepathically when we want to. I can see what you show me, and you can see what I want to show you. You can hear my voice in your head as much I as I hear yours. I can…feel what you feel.

\- But ...-I smiled a little. - You do not feel anything. That is just the way you are, your race asks you to give up the emotion...

-That's right.-his said.-Emotions are dangerous for us. Therefore, joining the mind gives us somehow a relief. And after you've seen everything about me, I'll be getting such relief.

I nodded slightly.

-I've agreed to all the terms. - I said.-And you are a good guy, Vektan. I think this will work pretty well.

I smiled and he almost smiled to me.

We came to the door of my cabin.

-Now...-I said, but the Vektan immediately interrupted me.

-As I read ...-he said.-The ceremony of human marriage prescribe that the bride has to spend the first wedding night with the groom. Is that true?

I looked at him a little confused.

\- Yes ... – I did not understand what he was trying to say to me.

-So I suggest we spend the first wedding night together.-he added.

I could not have smiled at it.

-All right. - I said.-What else have you read about this human habit?

As soon as I opened the cabin door, Vektan pulled me into my hands as in the holodeck. He hold me in his arms in bridal style.

I was completely surprised because I did not expect this.

-It said that the custom was to carry the bride over the threshold. - He replied.-There are two possible explanations of this habit….

-Yeah, I know…-I replied before he starts to explain.

He put me down gently.

-That custom originates from the Roman age in human race.- I said.- During Roman times it was believed that if the bride stumbled when entering the newlywed's home for the first time, it would bring bad luck and harm to their marriage. Carrying the bride across the threshold was thought to prevent this from happening.Tradition dictates the new wife must enter her home by the main door and, to avoid bad luck, she must never trip or fall--hence the custom that a bride should be carried over the threshold.

Vektan looked at me in the eye briefly.

-And I suppose none of the human marriage customs has any logic to you.-I replied.

He smiled kindly.

-You have praised the tradition of my people, I will respect yours. - He said slowly.

I smiled.

-Thank you. - I replied.-Well, as long as I have been heard, there are much worst wedding tradition that human bride carrying.

-Like what?-he asked.

-Did you know that fracturing a clavicle on the wedding in night is actually considered a blessing on the Klingon marriage?-I asked.

-Interesting.-he replied.

-Yeah…-I replied.

He nodded.

-Well, I read that the bride and the groom was sleeping in the same bed.-He said to Me.-By the end of my married life.

-Are the Vulcans not doing that?-I asked.

-No.-he replied.

-I do not want you to feel unpleasant...- I said.-You do not have to fulfill all the human customs that are...

-But I want to! - He replied immediately, then stopped for a moment.-I will respect them.

-My cabin and as well yours are not really designed for a two. - I said.-They are not that big. Maybe they give us a common cabin after they find out we're married...

-That would be acceptable.-he replied.

I smiled.

I really want to take a shower. I was so tired of everything.

.If you do not mind, I would like to take a shower.-I said.

-All right. - He said.

-If you want, you can join.-I replied.

He did not answer, and I obviously forgot that all our attachments had ended almost half an hour ago.

I did not have to say that, _I crossed the border._

Vektan remained sitting on the sofa while I went to the bathroom.

The sonic shower was fired from all sides and removed all the evidence from me from this night. I was glad to feel clean again ... Although my muscles were painful, warm water was relieving the pain.

I was sinking into the mourning of water every, when I felt hand on my hip. I immediately turned and saw Vektan completely naked under the shower with me.

He received me with both hands on my waist and kissed so gently that I felt like he was kissing me for the first time.

The water was buzzing in our ears while we were lovingly kissed, obviously tired of anything else.

I liked this gesture. It really did.

After showering, we both lie in bed. I lie on the one side of the bed, he took another. There was a small distance between us because my bed was not as big as the one in the holodeck.

Vektan looked in my direction. He did not sleep although he looked really tired.

Seeing he was looking at me, I put his hand under the blanket and held his hand.

I open my mind to him. And in that I sensed fluctuations. But nothing dangerous. Just ... just mild anxiety about everything that happened.

" _Sleep_ ," I told him telepathically.

He looked at me.

-I cannot. - He said aloud.

-What was it?-I whispered. -What are you thinking about?

-Us.-he replied.

-Really? - I whispered.

-It's not Vulcan way to ...-he said, but I interrupt him.

-Laying is not a Vulcan way.-I replied.

Vektan sat on the bed and looked at me.

He took my hand.

-Why did you choose me? - I whispered.-Along with all these women on the Ship? Why me?

He looked at me briefly.

-Your intelligence, the sense of responsibility, your physical differences from other human women on this Ship… made you a great potential partner.-he told me.

-Logical. - I replied pretending to be Spock.

Vektan looked at me.

The silence was short.

\- And your smell. Your hair. How your voice sounds when you're laughing. Your unarticulated dance moves and your desire for candies.-he added very quietly. - Melody coming from your mouth while you are singing with the music at Ten Forward..

-Ow, Vektan, will you really admit to me that you've choose me because you fell in love with me?-I whispered.

Vektan did not say anything. He looked at the cold expression of the face in front of him.

-It does not logical exclude this possibility.-he replied.

I smiled.

I gave my hand under the cover to his again.

He took my hand and raised it to his face. He put my palm on his cheek and held it with his hand.

-I know what you're doing and what you're thinking about. - I said.

-Explain. - He said, still holding my hand on her face.

-You questioning your decision.-I said.-You wonder will you be able to live a harmonious life with a human who will bring to the test of emotions every time you look at her.

His eyes were treacherous.

-Answer me. - I replied.

-I know you understand.-he replied.-Emotions almost destroyed my race, our entire civilization. For the ages, we have perfected the control over the emotions that emotions would not control us. And, I believe if I cannot resist... And I will...

-You become like them? - I whispered.-Like those who did not follow Surak’s philosophy. You are afraid to become like ... Romulans?

He looked at me.

-I do not know how my personality is aggressive when emotions are not under control. - He said quietly.-You've seen what I can do during _Pon farr_ when I'm stripped of logic and reason. It is not logical to exclude any possibility will I become like them…

-Vektan…- I said. -I have made a vow to living with you, be here for you. And I know one thing, I will try my best to embrace the logic and the Vulcan way of life so that our marriage and our relationship are harmonious. And I will never intentionally bring you to the test of emotions.

-I'm not asking you to change.-he replied.-You are not raised as a Vulcan. I am. I spent years and years to suppress all emotions. I passed the last ritual, Kolinahr and before that six years of mental discipline training so that all my emotions were cleansed and that only logic and reason would remain. They can be controlled. You are a human being. It is not logical or reasonable of me after all that we've going through to ask you to change.

I looked at him again puzzled.

.My mind is so constructed that I can adapt to anything.-I replied.-My IQ is far more advanced than in other humans. My brain is more advanced. I think, with good leadership, I could keep even my emotions under control. I do not want to be a burden to you...

Vektan shook his head.

-I've always admired your body that has survived such a genetic modification, I admired your ability to adapt from the 20th century to the 24th century. I know that humans were then much more aggressive, you have been seeking a war, blinded by glory and various things like money, land, and earth’s natural resources ...-he said to me.

-20th century has a good side’s too.-I said. - We had good and homemade cooked food, good music, good dances ... Good customs ... But even the 24th is not bad. We have a replicator, we are in the Space now... Earth is no longer polluted as it used to be, no plastic bags and civil wars...

We've been silent for a while.

-But anyway, since you were here you were lonely even though you were surrounded by friends.-he said to me.

-Yes ...- I replied.-I felt bothered, sad, dismissed ... Like the whole world was against me and leave me behind alone. And the most dangerous of all are memories. You are yours greatest enemy. It’s like you are fighting a battle that you cannot win because you have already lost the battle before it even has started. And knowing that there is no return and that your hands are tied up that you cannot even influence your present and the future. Like you when you lost a fight for the first wife that your parents tied you to when you were a kid.

Vektan nodded.

-Of course, emotions are not part of the Vulcan customs and the style of behavior." I turned to face him.-Basically, you understand what I mean.

Again, we were silent for a while. My hand had already begun to tremble, but Vectan continued to hold on to his face.

-You know, sometimes I'm afraid to fall asleep.-I said.

-Why?-he asked.

I sighed.

-I'm afraid if I fall asleep, maybe I'll sleep for a few centuries again and lose it all over again.-I said quietly. -Or I am dreaming of being awake in cryo capsules. That's how it was when they broke my capsule. The capsule released some gas, and then smoke ... I could not breathe or I could get rid of the capsule. I know that sounds stupid...

-The fear is fearful just as much as you allow it to be.-he said to Me.-I'll show you in time how to face your fears.

I watched him briefly.

-Okay…-I said.-Thank you.

Vektan nodded slightly and lowered his gentle eyes down.

Then he looked at me, then touch my head with his hand.

His touch was very gentle.

-Come here. - He said, opening his arms like he wanted me to hug him or something like that. I was not sure what to do next. He laid his back on the bed and lowered my head to his chest.

-You do not have to do this. - I said instantly, holding my hands on the mattress, although I really liked what she did.

-Yes, I do. - He said.-This seems…logical.

Short silence.

-The Vulcans do not lie. - He said helplessly.-I'm not doing this because I have to. I am doing it because if want to have you close to me.

I smiled.

-You and I are so different, Vektan.-I said quietly.-That's why I think we'll be a successful couple. You will help me with your extraordinary mental discipline to control my own emotions we can be one other that this other cannot be.

His hand treaded me slightly on my shoulder and neck. And that was the same kind of sensation in me as when his hands first touched me.

And it became clear to me that, nevertheless, _Pon farr_ was not an illusion and a projection of the most primitive instincts.

-You asked me why I chose you…- he said to me suddenly.

\- You do not have to answer that ... – I replied.

-But I want to.-he said.

He took my fingers to my chin and pointed my face toward her. Then we fused our fingers into a Vulcan kiss.

„ _I chose you because I let myself to feel something for the first time at my adult life. After everything I went through during radical training to clear my emotions, you came into my life. And from the very first time I saw you, I knew you would be my greatest temptation. I knew my fascination with your is not benevolent.  It has become logical for a while. I let myself explore a deeper reason and I came to a logical conclusion. Emotions. Too many emotions I felt in you and for you. And I felt so many different emotions that I did not know even to name them. Joy. Uncertainty. Fear that you will never notice me. And love. To you. Just for you_. “He telepathically whispered to me as quietly as he is afraid that someone would hear him.

I smiled.

 " _Love. Love is, my dear, the strongest and most dangerous emotion. Love produces various other emotions, such as jealousies, shame, anger... which can drive you into madness_. “I answered telepathically.

He turned his gaze away from me. This time I was the one who was turning his head back to face me.

"-That's what Ambassador Spock once said to Me.-I said aloud.-But I think this is ... between you and me ... This love, this is not a dangerous emotion. This is salvation. For me ... And for you.

-I believe it is.-he said, gliding his face into my hair as his voice replied to my hair.

I settled on his chest, exhausted from everything and finally after two crazy days, I fall asleep.

In the morning, when I woke up, Vektan was gone.

I get up. The muscles are still soar as well as the lower part of my stomach. It's as if somebody burned my genital organs with a liquid acid and put them back into my body. I've just noticed that I have dozens of tiny bruises on my neck, my collarbone, my breasts…. as well as on the rest of the body.

In one corner of the room, I saw the dress hanging on the hanger. The dress was dark gray with a few more shades of lighter gray tones. At the hanger was also a silver necklace with a blue crystal in the middle.

_That dress and that necklace was not mine…_

The style was too….Vulcan.

All right ... This was probably for me then.

I put that dress on me, and looked into the mirror.

All right ... From today we are following the Vulcan fashion trends. Okay, at least I'll follow them for a couple of days until I get back to duty at the lab.

I left the cabin.

I felt ... _beautifully_. At least. Good. Happy. Something I did not feel very much for a long time.

I assumed that Vektan was already on his duty in the engineering and I did not have intention to bother him.

I went to the turbo lift when it seemed to me that I heard a familiar voice from the conference hall.

I did not want to bother, so I went to Ten Forward.

As soon as I entered the door, Guinan looked at me. And all who were present looked at me.

-Well, come here!-she says to Me.-How do you feel? They told us you were very sick! My friend had this illness too, barely pulled out alive!

Guinan was a super-actress! She knew, of course, what had happened. She knew everything ... She was such a good liar…  

-I taught that you cannot be ill…?-Miles O´Brian asked.

-Well, I am a modified organism.-I replied.-But I am also a human. I am experiencing all kinds of diseases same as you. But a little differently. A normal human being would probably suffer for weeks. I recovered in two days.

-Well, that's a blessing, dear.-he said to me and leave. Second after O´Brian left, the Ensign to whom Vektan broke his arm yesterday, approached me.

Guinan was looking at me.

-I am glad to see you standing on your own again, Y/N.-he said to me.

-Thank you, Ensign.-I replied.

-And your friend, the Vulcan who broke my arm yesterday, is he alright now too? - He asked.

-Vulcan organism is reacting similar to mine. - I replied.-He is alright now. I'm sorry you had been injured because of our ... illness. How are you feeling?

-Well…-he replied with a smile.-Doctor fixed me. I am fine.

The lieutenant got up and went somewhere.

-Thank you, Guinan.-I said softly.

Guinan winked at me.

-And…ahm…Congratulations!-she added.

I smiled.

Guinan gave me a huge portion of food to eat. I wondered if Vektan had anything to eat today. I was hoping he was.

- _Captain Picard to Y /_ N. - I heard a voice from the communicator.

-Y / N here.-I replied instantly.

-I _want you to come to the conference room_.-he said to me.- _Picard out._

Okay ... this was weird. The captain rarely called me in the conference room.

I went to the conference room and again heard the familiar voice that I heard before today.

When I got in, I immediately noticed Worf, Captain, Deanna, Dr. Pulaski, Will Riker, and Data...

-Dismissed.-Captain said and they went all out as soon as I got in.  Worf fled out first.

-Oh, well, I did not know you had frozen human-modified-hybrids from the 20th century here!-A female mocking said to Me.-My dear, Y / N!  I missed you so much!

Now I understood why the Captain called me. To see one of the first friends I got in the 24th century.

\- K'Ehleyr! I cannot believe it!-I said surprisingly. So you are the mysterious Ambassador?

-Yes," she said.-Speaking of Ambassadors, are you working for Vulcans now?

"-Why do you ask?-I replied.

-Your clothes and jewelry.-she said, pointing her finger in my new necklace.-This is the _vokaya_. Do not you remember that the wife of Ambassador Sarek was wearing necklace similar to this? I do not remember seeing you like this since we first met at T'Koss. I didn´t know that Ambassador Spock had so much influence on you! I thought your people from your century considered logic and meditation as… _crap_.

I could not have laughed at her statement.

-That _vokaya_ was a gift. - I said.-And you know that in Vulcan tradition is forbidden to return the gifts.

Dr. Pulaski caught the opportunity and she started to scan me.

-Why do you scanning her, I did not break her spine by hugging her! - K'Ehleyr replied.

-You're not ...- the doctor said dissatisfied with the results on the trickoder.-At the end of the day I need to see you at the Sickbay. And please, get rid of that radioactive necklace!

-What happened? - K'Ehleyr worried.

-The Chicago green fever flu!-the doctor said.

K'Ehleyr looked at me.

-The captain freed from duty for a couple of days.-the doctor added.

-Ok.-I replied.

-Is it that serious? - K'Ehleyr asked.

-Let's have a drink at Ten Forward, I promise to explain everything to you. - I said.

I managed to push K'Ehleyr out the door and before the doctor could stop me.

-The Chicago green fever flu? - K'Ehleyr asked as soon as the turbo lift door closed.

-That has become a synonym for ... _Pon farr_.-I replied.

- _Pon farr_ -she replied.- _Pon farr_ in the Vulcan mating ritual, right?

I knew how much she hated her own Klingon customs and I could only imagine what kind of opinion she has about this.

-Yes.-I nodded.

-But you're not a Vulcan!-she replied.

-It was not mine _Pon farr_.-I said.-I was just…a _mate_.

K'Ehleyr glanced at me.

We left the turbo lift.

-As fat as I understand that ritual… are you now ..." she asked.

-A Vulcan wife, right.-I replied tried not to sound ironically.

-I cannot believe it!-she replied.

We sit down by the window at Ten Forward. Guinan gave each one a double chocolate.

As soon as Guinan leave from us, K'Ehleyr immediately demanded an explanation from me.

-My partner ... chose me for a mate and ... it happened. - I said.

\- Wait, what? Y / N what did you do?-she asked shocked.

We talked, I told her almost everything. Here and there, K'Ehleyr would be astonished by the wonder, but ultimately, she understood. Her species had strange rituals for almost every part of their lives.

-I still do not understand why you're here?-I asked her.-Besides that it's the top-secret…

She leaned slightly toward me before she began to talk.

\- Two days ago, Starbase Three Three Six received an automated transmission from a Klingon ship, the T'Ong. That ship was sent out over seventy five years ago.-she replied.

-How do you think seventy-five years?-I whispered.

-They've been sleeping in cryo all the time.-she told Me.-And now they will wake up. And then…there will be chaos.

I watched her briefly.

-Of course ...-I replied, grasping.-They are not from this age, they do not know that the Federation is no longer fighting the Klingon Empire.

-Yes.-she replied.

-Wait, why do not they then send a Klingon ship?-I asked.-They will listen to Klingons rather than humans.

-Because the Enterprise is closest ship, while the nearest Klingon ship is two days behind us.-she replied. - That's why I was sent here following the order of the Klingon High Council.

-How did you get here?-I asked.

-Literally in class eight probe. - She replied.-The Enterprise picked me up.

I nodded.

-And what will happen when Klingons are awaken?-I asked.

-We will not wait for them to wake up.-she replied.-. Because if they wake up, they will be in the populous area and as soon as they know where they are, they will shoot at the first colony or base they find on their way.

-What if they wake up before we get to them? - I whispered.-I mean, if anyone knows how it is when you wake up in the wrong age, then I'm ... They can be dangerous for both themselves and the others.

K'Ehleyr shrugged.

-I know the Klingons very well, they will not have conversations or negotiations with a humans. I said that to Captain Picard. I suggest that that Enterprise shoots as soon as the Klingon ship comes in range, but he refused. He decided to continue, consider any other ideas so that no direct attack would occur.

I sighed.

-Although under such circumstances, I'm glad I saw you. - I told her.

K'Ehleyr gave me a hand and smiled.

-Also.-she replied.

K'Ehleyr was actually the second person I became friends with when I woke up from cryo-sleep. Like other Ambassadors, she was invited to testify about whether I am dangerous or not. Although I first saw someone who was a hybrid of man and Klingon, who was completely unknown to me then, I thought of her beautiful woman. She had a temperamental temper, somewhat reminded me of me when I was still studying and arguing with colleagues about solving math tasks. She was like Ambassador Spock, as opposed to the others, she accepted me immediately. And the first one decided to spend the day with me without any guards. She wants to know everything, about the Earth in 20th century, about the place I was born…She knew a little about the human history her mother had told her. And she knew about Rolling Stones, she said that her mother was listening in her youth. Over time, we have become very good friends. I knew almost everything about her, even when she had some kind of the affair with Lt.Worf.

I saw Worf entered Ten Forward, and when he saw K'Ehleyr came out.

K'Ehleyr sigh frustrated and blinked angrily.

-And what about you and Worf? - I asked.-I mean, after everything that happened a long time ago...

She shook her head.

-He is an idiot!!-she said frustrated.

-O, what happened?-I asked.

-You know what, I'm going to find out what happened! - She replied and flew after him.

I smiled.

Knowing both of them, this „fight“can only result in two ways - _they will do what they wanted to do many years ago or they would kill each other._ The third solution was not there.

Anyway, K'Ehleyr deserved happiness. And love. And all this. She was not a great follower of the tradition…But I know she is in love with Worf who is a traditional man.

K'Ehleyr was a modern woman with a career that was trying to move away from the Klingon and Human tradition that spread her between the two worlds. She will always be the child of two worlds ... And she knew she had the right to choose what she wanted. But K'Ehleyr was afraid of her Klingon side and could not accept it so easily. Maybe that's why she decided to hate Klingon tradition? I do not know.

And Worf was ...   _Worf_. Conquered by the Klingon tradition while his human side who came under his skin (because of the human parents who had adopted him) forced him to make decisions like a human but still be loyal to the Klingon tradition. It was not easy for him. To be so excited between the tradition and the family that gave it home and love and all that one child may want.

I was bored and got up. When I felt the pain, I remembered I should go to see Dr. Pulaski. And I left.

A few minutes later, I was cured of bruises and wrinkled ribs.

-I really feared for you… I was up all night thinking that you would call for help and that Lieutenant Vectan would hurt you more than he already was…-she said to me.

-Thank you, doctor, for your caring about Me.-I answered immediately.-And please, Doctor, I respect you as a colleague and friend. And I appreciate all you did for me before and during _Pon farr_. But still ... Respect my decision, and my husband.

Dr. Pulaski looked at me for a couple of seconds.

-All right. - She said.-I am sorry. I know that Lt.Vektan is a nice Vulcan guy. I call for him too to see how he feels after this…

I nodded.

-We're done here.-she told me.

-Thank you.-I replied and walked out of the ambulance.

I came back to Ten Forward. There were not many people here now, maybe two or three. And Guinan, who looked blank at the bar.

I stood in front of the window in front of which I always stood when I felt depressed and melancholy.

K'Ehleyri's words about a seventy-year-old Klingon ship with a crew who was in cryo-sleep for too long makes me anxious.

I stood completely calm and looked out the window.

_Stars. Again, those stars._

The warp drive of the ship made them look like an illusion of intermittent lines that changed from seconds to seconds.

Behind me I heard the steps and lowered the table to the table.

I turned and saw Vektan putting something down the table beside me.

-The Captain gave me a few days off duty.-he informed me.

-Same here.-I replied.

-And the First Officer Riker gave me several cabins available to choose for our common life.-he said in a steady tone, informing me almost officially standing beside me with his hands on his back.-Please, choose the one who is the most acceptable for you to make life in it.

-All right. - I replied slightly officially.

I knew that Vektan is now going through a terribly difficult time. And he would need days, maybe weeks of intense meditation to forget everything he experienced in these two days.

I tried to help him in all ways. I will stay away, I will never publicly show him any emotion. That's what I promised him. I will adapt to him, I will accept Vulcan customs that are really radical….

" _Ashaya_? “, I heard his voice in my head.

I looked at him.

"My love," I replied and as saw a faint smile on his face.

" _You look ... sad_ ," he said a little insecure.

" _Everything's fine_ ," I replied.

" _Do you feel the pain in your body_?" He asked.

" _No. The doctor helped me. What about you? “I_ replied.

He was looking me for a while.

„ _No, I am…fine. “-_ he replied.

-I'm worried about the Klingon ship we're going met soon.-I said out loud.-You've probably heard about it.

-I heard.-he replied.-Our weapons are stronger than theirs. Although the Klingon race does not respect the logic, there is a big possibility of attack.

„I'm afraid“- I said telepathically.-„ _I know what a feeling is to wake up in an unknown century, thinking that for two months, the Metallica will have their concert in Boston, and when you look out through the window, you see the flying cars you've just seen in the movies_!“

She felt like the tension in me was growing.

"The anger, the aggression, the fear, and the disorientation." I said. "That's what I felt then ... That's what chases me today.

Then I got my hand on my surprise.

I looked at him.

He looked at me with no expressive expression ... though I was, and it seemed obvious to me, to see the love and gentle smile of Mona Lisa on his face.

I returned a slight smile.

"Do not be afraid, ashaya ..." his voice gently said, "No one will ever hurt you anymore. And emotions ... with time you will teach them to control me. The less will ... hurt your past and you will remember only what causes you to feel happiness“

I smiled.

-You really know how to choose your words, Vektan.-I said with a smile.

"For you, anything.” he replied telepathically

-Thanks for the necklace and the dress, they are beautiful.-I said changing the subject.-This _vokaya_ , who does it belonged before?" To your mother?

-My aunt. Her name is T'heth.-he replied.-She has inherited it from her mother. And now it belongs to you.

I smiled.

-I will always wear it. - I said.-Thank you.

He smiled a little.

We stood here as he continued to hold my hand. I thought that he was not comfortable with this position, but he did not let go.

" _I like it_.", I said telepathically.

He looked at me.

"Me to.”, the voice answered with a whisper in my head.

That was actually the first time I stood here in this place and I did not feel lonely.

Vektan, my husband, my world, my logical Vulcan was standing beside me. And he looked at the stars like me. With him, I felt less anxious about everything that happened around us.

Somehow I've been fond of stars since that moment. I did not think so badly about them.

I kissed him again…In a Vulcan style, of course.

I saw him gently swallowed the saliva in his mouth. He returned me the same kiss.

And then we almost released our hands at the same time.

A few minutes later, I heard a voice on my communicator.

- _Picard to Y / N._ – he said to me. - _Please come to my ready room._

-Yes, Captain.-I replied.

I looked at Vektan.

" _See you later_ , _my love"_ , I said telepathically.

" _Ashaya_.", he replied, and stood up in a sign to say good-bye to me.

I came to me as soon as I could at the Captain´s ready room.

-Sorry to disturb you at... your free days.-he said to Me.-I need your opinion about this situation.

-Whatever you need, Captain.-I replied.

-Lt.Worf may have a solution for this _Klingon problem_. - He told me.

-For a Klingon ship? - I replied.

Captain nodded and looked at Worf.

Lieutenant Worf had the idea that, since the Klingons who come to us are awake and dangerous, so Worf suggested that instead of the usual bridge crew, Klingon ship will be welcomed by Worf and as the captain of the Enterprise and K'Ehleyr as the First Officer. This would be less stressful for the Klingons and they will be easier to convinced that the Federation and the Klingon Empire are no longer in war, but they are now leaving at peace and  or working together at the Starships..

-It could work.-I said.-That is the same way what Federation scientists did when I was awaken.

-Really? - Riker said.

-Yes.-I replied.-They were dressed in white lab coats we've been wearing in the 20th century. They have been trying to explain to me what's happening and where and in what time it is.

Everyone was silent for a while.

.We do not have time for different ideas.-Captain said.-Lieutenant Worf, do what you imagined. Make it so.

-Ay, sir.-Worf replied.

And it was like that. At first, T'ong attacked Enterprise. I was expecting that like most of us did.

But as soon as the Klingon ship T'ong came to the range for a direct screen call, the Klingons who slept seventy-five years, saw Worf, a Klingon Captain of the Federation Starship Enterprise and his Klingon First Officer K'Ehleyr.

Captain, First Officer Riker and I were at the captain´s ready room, monitoring everything on screen.

Worf played a great role. Official, professional and persistent. He managed to calm them down, diplomatically resolve the situation and briefly explain that the Federation and the Klingon Empire were no longer in war for over twenty years.

Captain K'temock, the Captain of Starship T'ong, finally agreed to surrender his ship to the hands of the Federation.

\- A wise decision, Captain. Commander K'Ehleyr will board your ship and take command. The Klingon cruiser P'rang will soon arrive and escort you home.-Worf said.-And, Captain…

 

-Yes? - Captain K'temock replied.

"Welcome to the twenty-fourth century. - Worf added, and then video communication broke down.

Then, Captain Picard and Riker come out of the Ready room and congratulated Worf on an excellent first command.

 

K'Ehleyr had to leave Enterprise immediately and go to T'Ong. She greet me with a fast hug and we promised each other that we would see soon.

 She did not let me escort her to the transport room. I knew it was because of Worf. In the meantime, something big happened between them, which will tie them in the future. That one of my „sixth Sense " told me that the story between them is just starting.

As soon as K'Ehleyr walked toward the transport room, at the end of the hall I saw Vektan. As if he was waiting for K'Ehleyr to leave.

-I think they are messing up with each other.-I said to him, though I knew she was not interested at all in that topic.

-I'm not familiar with that term.-he replied.

I looked at him confused.

-Messing up? Well, that simply means that I think that they are in love…But, I really think that they have a sexual relationship with each other.-I replied.-But they are too scared to admit it or become partners…or to have a normal dating relationship.

Vektan looked at me.

-Is not it logical to approach a woman you consider to be a compatible partner with a marriage proposal before you have sexual relationship with her?-he asked.

-Klingon tradition is different.-I replied.-As long as I know, they first have a sexual relationship and then they becomes a partners.

-I understand.-he replied.

-K'Ehleyr is partly human and, as she says, is more inclined to the human way of life. And I believe that if she  want to have something more than a friendship with Worf, then that would first include dating  in the sense of going out for dinner and dancing ... And not to immediately fulfill the Klingon customs where, if you like someone, you bite him for the face! Or if you have had sex with someone, tradition obliges you to immediately make that person your husband/wife and you need to, listen to this, screaming the Klingon Vow out loud to let the whole world hear you have just had sex!

Vektan watched me speechless. It seems like he barely followed what I was talking about.

-I wanted to say that K'Ehleyr would gladly go slowly in their relationship and not immediately commit to marriage.-I replied.

-Do you think that our relationship is the same as in theirs? - He asked.

I looked at him for a moment.

-No! We are completely different from them! - I replied.

-Explain.-he said.

-Well, look at it this way -I said, grabbing him on his upper arm and leading him down through the hallway. - Consider playing chess and Kal-toh, hanging out in Ten Forward and hollodeck parties as our dating. And, our vision during the _Pon Farr_ in which we have learned a lot about each other, consider as the first couple of months of dating in which you get to know your partner. And then, we had sex that we considered to be a confirmation of a strong relationship that resulted in marriage. Are you following me?

Vectan was thinking for a couple of moments.

-That sounds absolutely logical if we apply it to the human culture of seeking partners and mating.-he replied.

-Yes. - said.-Now, we have this together…

Then she stopped and he took my hand.

He looked at me a couple of moments in my eyes, then he kissed my lips.

-I am sorry for bothering you.-,I heard Data´s voice of as he spoke close to us.-But the Captain asked me to let you know that we changed the course and went to the planet Vulcan.

-Why?-I asked.

-Come with me. - Data told us.

At the ship´s main bridge, I have already seen several Vulcan people on the screen watching us through the video call.

 _Shit ..._ I thought in myself.

- _Greetings_! - said one Vulcan. I recognized him. He was one of the members of the Vulcan High Council. His name was Siark. He was one of the Vulcans who first considered my existence and possible danger. He was also the first one who said that I remind him of Vulcan " _originals_ ", the Vulcans who first accepted Surak's doctrine.

- _Greetings_!-a female Vulcan next to Siark greet us.

\- Greetings, Mother, Father.-Vectan answered.

I thought I would faint. These were Vektan´s parents!

„Councilor Siark is your father!? “, literally I screamed at him telepathically.

„Yes“, he replied simply.

„And you didn´t told me that!? “, I replied.

„You did not asked. “, he replied.

Oh my God. Breath. Just breathe.

It´s ok… Calm down…

I just found out that my husband's father was one of the most influential Vulcans in the Vulcan Council.

_It cannot be good ... it just cannot be good for me… I´m so doomed…_

-We've got your notification of marriage with Y / N. - his father said. Though his father did not show any emotion about this, anyway, I could still tell that he was not happy about that Vektan had chosen for me for his mate and wife.

-That's right, father.-Vektan replied.-According to our tradition, Y / N accepted me as her mate and we are now married.

-I see that you also gave your wife a vokaya.-his mother said.

_Oh, how my mother-in-law will hate me ...  She will so hate me, surely..._

" _I'm afraid_ ," I whispered telepathically to Vektan.

" _Everything's fine_ ," he replied.

His parents looked at us like they could hear what I just told him. And that was impossible. _Right?_

- _I believe that you are, after the ritual, telepathically bonded?"-_ His father said.-I see you are communicating now. Am I correct?

-That is correct, father.-Vektan replied.

- _And you, Y / N, you are a human being_?-his mother asked.

-Yes.-I replied coldly, holding upright and proud.

- _You're unusual for your kind_.-she replied.- _My husband told me something about you._

-My choice was strictly logical.-Vectan replied instead of me.-Y / N is not usually a human being, but a genetically modified human being that is more than advanced and much more alike to Vulcans than we know. Therefore, it is logical to choose her as my mate than any other female.

His parents looked at each other.

- _The Vulcan High Council has already expressed its interest in Y / N.-_ his father added. - _We will be honored now that we can call your wife one of us._ As I said before, we have received information of your marriage and now we require confirmation of marriage with a ceremonial ceremony at Vulcan.

I thought I was going to faint again.

I looked at Vektan, who was still looking at the non-expressive face of the screen.

-We're we arrive at Vulcan at eight days, be sure about that.-the captain said.

- _We are expecting you_.-his father answered, then lifted his right hand and made a greeting of Vulcan.- _Live long and prosper._

" _This was…"_ he told me telepathically.

„ _If they have feelings, they would hate me_ ", I said.

He looked at me.

" _Rejoice, ashaya, they have none_ “, he replied.

_Is this ... is my husband just told a first joke?_

I tried not to laugh out loud.

Then, Vektan turned to the captain.

-I want to express my gratitude for all you did for us, Captain.-Vektan said.

-It's a pleasure.-Captain replied with a smile. -We do not have a chance to attend a Vulcan traditional wedding, do not us?"

-It will be our honor to all of you attend our ceremonial wedding, Captain.-I replied.

-Believe me, it's a pleasure to me.-Captain replied again.

Vektan and I left the ship´s bridge and headed for the Ten Forward.

-Do I have a chance to escape until then?-I asked him.

-No. - He replied.

-Oh well, and if I've survived crazy eighty hours of mating with you, I'll survive this too." I said aloud.

Vectan had no comments for that, but I swear I saw him blushing.

We went to Ten Forward. I am immediately, in good old fashioned habit, standing in front of the same window while Vektan went for the food.

He was a vegetarian so I was expected a pile of vegetables and fruit on the plate.

-I have something you will like.-he said aloud after a few seconds.

\- What is that?-I replied.

-Look.-he said, leaning from the table.

I looked at the table. There was a white plate filled with biscuits and two glasses of milk.

When I looked a little better, I read the familiar words on biscuits.

-Oreo? - I asked excitedly. -Did you get me the Oreo biscuits?

-You told me you loved them when you were a child.-he replied.-I found the recipe in the archive, I put it in the replicator and I think it's similar the original one.

I watched him briefly and then I hugged him, though I knew I should not. Especially not in the public. But instead of being warned or pushed, he gave me a slight hug.

-Thank you! - I said.-Thank you for giving me my life back!

" _Ashaya_ ," his voice in my head was full of gentleness.

We both sat at the table.

-Now, I hope you to fulfill your promise and to show me how to eat this biscuits.-he told me.

I laughed.

-They're like drugs! - I said.-When you try them once, you will not be able to stop eating!

Vectan looked at me somewhat challenging.

Never in my life have I enjoyed the company, the stars, the Oreo biscuits and the milk like I was enjoying right now.

And then he started playing the music Guinan always played when I was near.

Music 90's.

She was now playing _Selena-Como la flor._

\- _Como la flor…Con tanto amor…Me diste tú…_ \- I sang with the strange spanish accent, and acted like a child at an amusement park. I was so happy. And out of  control.- _Ay ay ay cómo me duele!!_

" _Ashaya_ ," I heard in my head when he told me.

I hoped that he would not be mad at me because of my behavior.

-Oh, I am so sorry! - I said aloud apologizing.

-No! Please, always laughs and sing like this.-he said aloud.-Always laugh like this and sing like this. For me. Because I cannot.

I handed him over to the table. He took my hand and put it on his cheek.

-I promise. - I said.-Always. For you, anything.

He kissed me into my palm, and then, beside me, he returned a very nice smile I thought I would not see for the next seven years.

And then, I remembered what else I saw during the vision.

" _What do you think about, ashaya? You look worried_ ",his voice was so calm in my head.

\- I just remembered something.-I said out loud. 

-What?-he asked.

I resisted for a moment, but then I decided to speak out loud.

-During our vision…-I replied.-I saw someone. A child. And it was not you ... this child ... it was different...

He looked at me quite seriously.

-Don´t look at me like that…-I replied.-I really saw that…

-I saw it too.-he replied.

-Really?-I asked.

-Yes.-he replied.

A hint of hope emerged in me.

-So…-I asked carefully.-What do you think who that is?

Vektan look at me with a calm look at his face.

-When I was very young, my father told me a story.-he replied.-He said to me that, before I was born, he had a vision during his meditation that my mother will gave a birth of a son. Few days after, she told him that she was pregnant.

\- Do you think ... you think our vision has shown our son?-I asked.

He looked at me.

-It would not be logical to exclude that conclusion.-he replied.

I smiled. _Our son_ ...  it really sounds nice.

-You are right.-I replied. - It would not be logical to exclude that conclusion.

Vektan return me smile.

Guinan once told me: „ _I've been living through so many years. I've seen a lot of different bad and good things... And now, when I look around, present really does not look so bad_ “.

And she was right.

It really does not look so bad.

 

 

 

 

**THE END**

 


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